We here at ASD (that means me and Catfish) are now two months into our blogging venture. We have had some obstacles, a few larfs, and have begun to get the momentum going to create a fully (somewhat?) functional sports blog. As the NFL season begins we dare to try something only the seriously deranged would try (Nerd Alert!). But without reckless experimentation Jimmi Hendrix would not have written great music, Leonardo Da Vinci would not have created his masterpieces (or inspired batman), Henry Ford would not have made the model T, and your parents would not have gotten drunk enough to make you. With that mental image firmly engraved in your mind, we announce that this NFL season, we will be conducting a fantasy football league based on the alma maters of the players according to their conferences. We have created a league where ten "conferences" from college football pit their best representatives in the NFL against the others. In the end, one conference shall rise and the others shall fall....and this time, it's personal....with a vengeance.
What we've done is taken the conferences in FBS football, the FCS division and created ten teams based on NFL players' alumni. Here are our ten competitors:
-ACC (maybe go non-BCS after last weekend)
-Big East (somehow I think Tranghesee will be monitoring this)
-Big XII (Roman numerals are fun!)
-Big Ten (no fantasy points awarded for 3 yards and a cloud of dust)
-Pac Ten (If I had to choose a coast I'd have to choose the East, I live out there so don't go there, but that doesn't mean a brother can't play fantasy football in the west [sorry Biggie])
-SEC (feel the need for speed)
-MAC (underdogs yes, but doesn't this country love an underdog?)
-Conf. USA (Hacksaw Jim Duggan's favorite)
-FCS [I-AA] (they can play with the big boys...mehbe)
-MWACINDBELT (this is the crime against nature team, we needed a 10th team and these conferences did not have enough to compete so we mad scientisted them together, if they had a mascot it would probably be that ostrich/man from the PETA camp in that episode of South Park or the frog Bart attempts to turn into a prince in the Harry Potter segment of that Simpson's Halloween special. In either case the creature pleads "kill me" over and over again.)
Scoring will follow most generic fantasy leagues, and single defensive players will be included instead of team defenses. Sadly, we could not work the Offesnive linemen into our experiment. No love for the big boys. Each team's roster will consist of:
1 QB
2 RB
2 WR
1 TE
1 W/TE
2 WR/RB
1 DL
1 LB
1 DB
1 DL/LB/DB
Obviously some conferences will have more of a pool to draw from but that's how it goes. No clue how this is going to play out, but we will keep updates of how the season is going every week. It should be noted this is not to prove which conference is the best or who can brag about having the best alumni, it is simply a curious endeavor by me and Catfish, to feed our curiosity on the subject. With that said, let's light this candle!
Thursday, September 4
The ASD Alma Mater Football Conference Fantasia....Bonanza
AFC State of the Union
NFC fans appear to be more dedicated or perhaps they just have more time on their hands, because tracking down AFC previews and predictions was more painful than listening to a roundtable discussion featuring Skip Bayless, Tim McCarver, Jamelle Hill, and Jay Mariotti. Instead of posting videos just to have team representation, I'm trimming the fat. Cleet's still going to be mad about at least one, but I'll bear the brunt to bring a great new video to the masses.
AFC East
While pressing the statute of limitations, because the new season hasn't officially begun, I present you with The Spygate Song.
This entertaining Buffalo Bill preview needs to see the light of day, cue it up to 2:50 to witness the most love Paul Posluszny has ever gotten from a man.
The Miami Dolphins preview takes a hopeful Barack Obama-esque approach.
Jets Preview and a mandatory Bret Favre song.
AFC North
This "Stillers" video had the best production of any of the team preview, so it also gets some love. His view on "bold predictions" is spot on, and while we're here, a little Myron Cope.
More of the same for the Bengals.
A Browns preview. Hi Ryan!
AFC South
For one of the youngest, most talented divisions, they scored a doughnut on previews.
AFC West
The only AFC West team to have any season preview was the Oakland Raiders. Not only does this guy know his team, he also drops a Cerberus reference while discussing the running back situation. I don't like to stereotype, but I wouldn't have guessed it would be a Raiders fan dropping some mythology on us. His preview also had a second part.
Wednesday, September 3
NFC South State of the Union
With the NFL season starting tomorrow, it’s time for State of the Union speeches from all 32 teams. Rather than spout the four-letter propaganda, we’ve turned to individual fans for in-depth analysis of each team. We’ll start with the NFC and tomorrow we’ll have the AFC. Videos are divided into divisions and in order of quality.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Hands down the best preview in the NFC. Found this via HuggingHaroldReynolds. I guess I need to try to trade Jeff Garcia off my fantasy football team. Some love for App. State’s own Dexter Jackson (yep, still warms the heart). CBS NFL Today opening from 1979 at Bucs playoff game, look quick Tampa fans, it’s the only way to see your team in the playoffs this year.
Carolina Panthers (start at 2:15)
This recap of the game against the Redskins sums up the mindset of Panther fans. It’s a sad state when the most exciting game you can remember in the past few years is a pre-season game, but I have to admit, I’m trying not to get my expectations too high. Not since Smitty embarrassed Fred Smoot has their been this much of a buzz. They have a new anthem too.
Atlanta Falcons (0:30)
Atlanta welcomes Matt Ryan with open arms… or maybe not. Clearly, that #7 is out of the public conscious. No love for the departed DeAngelo Hall. (4:45 conversation turns to general football discussion)
New Orleans Saints
The only team without a fan representing on camera. One effect and one font. Maybe they’ve been preoccupied with that Gustav fellow.
Be sure to check back tomorrow for the AFC State of the Union speeches.
NFC East State of the Union
With the NFL season starting tomorrow, it’s time for State of the Union speeches from all 32 teams. Rather than spout the four-letter propaganda, we’ve turned to individual fans for in-depth analysis of each team. We’ll start with the NFC and tomorrow we’ll have the AFC. Videos are divided into divisions and in order of quality.
Philadelphia Eagles (Start at 0:25)(mildly NSFW)
A top ten list why the Eagles will win the NFC East, complete with description of how top 10 lists work. Beware the trio tandems! No mention of Brian Dawkins is confusing. Just ask Mushin Muhammad. Special message for Boston and Washington at the end.
Washington Redskins
Solid analysis, but very little flare. The team does have a new song, as well as this. To make up for that last one, I offer Darrell Green and Art Monk highlights as peace offerings. I wonder if Darrell would catch Usain Bolt if he had the football.
New York Giants (1:10)
Surprisingly upbeat after losing Osi. Thinks they make the playoffs, but not confident.
Dallas Cowboys (2:45)
Always in competition with the Redskins, they have three fan songs for the new year. Including the least intimidating song ever. The video sums up the opinion of all Cowboy fans this year.
Be sure to check back tomorrow for the AFC State of the Union speeches.
NFC West State of the Union
With the NFL season starting tomorrow, it’s time for State of the Union speeches from all 32 teams. Rather than spout the four-letter propaganda, we’ve turned to individual fans for in-depth analysis of each team. We’ll start with the NFC and tomorrow we’ll have the AFC. Videos are divided into divisions and in order of quality.
Seattle Seahwaks
I’m pretty sure his wife makes him take the flag down as soon as he’s done, but good analysis and graphics. Having a drumline is always a plus for a team.
St. Louis Rams (NSFW)
Wrestling fan channeling Rick Henderson, he also appears to be the slowest telegraph operator in the world. His preview has a second part focusing on Steven Jackson and the front office.
San Francisco 49ers (0:45)
Takeo Spikes knows pre-season football is serious business (2:15). All the fans got new haircuts and new jerseys.
Arizona Cardinals
Not too many Cardinal fans lining up to deliver a State of the Union for ’08. I may, however, have discovered why Leinart was drinking so much. Because there’s no new predictions, this one from a year ago should work. Skip to 2:20. It’s summed up pretty quick.
Be sure to check back tomorrow for the AFC State of the Union speeches.
NFC North State of the Union
With the NFL season starting tomorrow, it’s time for State of the Union speeches from all 32 teams. Rather than spout the four-letter propaganda, we’ve turned to individual fans for in-depth analysis of each team. We’ll start with the NFC and tomorrow we’ll have the AFC. Videos are divided into divisions and in order of quality.
Chicago Bears (Start at 4:20)
Presents an interesting theory that Lovie wants to bring Rex back, but under better circumstances.
Green Bay Packers
The Cheeseheads appear to still be in a stupor from 4 leaving, because they can’t seem to talk about anything else. Just watch 4:50-5:32 to watch him go from excited to resigned. There is a cute young lady in the intro, however.
Minnesota Vikings (0:45) (mild)
Scandinavian Scourge? How have I never heard that?
Detroit Lions
Bad audio quality, but the only candidate. Based on his assessment, there’s not wonder there’s so few Lions fans left.
Be sure to check back tomorrow for the AFC State of the Union speeches.
Tuesday, September 2
Tennessee Swingin'
We at ASD are pleased to announce our first ever movie production and first slightly NSFW post. In light of this announcement, we’ve provided a clip of the movie we initially pitched to the studios. When Cleet and I first pitched the idea, we were told it would never work. Not unlike Matt Damon (Catfish) and Ben Affleck (Cleet minus both Jennifers), we had to do re-writes time and again. After months, nay years, we’ve been greenlighted. In the clip below, the taller Catfish as Trent is being played by Vince Vaughn. Cleet as Sue, is being portrayed by Patrick Van Horn and the part of forlorn Phil Fulmer is Jon Favreau. The bunny refers to the UCLA Bruins. This scene was before re-writes, and the new dialogue follows:
Catfish – We got wins, Baby.
Phil – Yeah, what a surprise.
Catfish – What’s wrong with you? I saw you whipping up on a powder blue patsy.
Phil – They weren’t patsies, okay? I made a fool of myself.
Catfish – Philly, don’t talk that way.
Cleet – You’re so money and you don’t even know it.
Catfish – That’s what I keep trying to tell him.
Phil – Could you not mess with me, right now?
Catfish – Philly, we’re not messing with you.
Cleet – We’re not.
Catfish – You know what you are? You’re like a big bear with claws and fangs, man.
Cleet – Big Fucking Teeth, man.
Catfish – Yeah, big fuckin’ teeth on ya. UCLA’s just like this little bunny who’s just kinda cowering in the corner.
Cleet – Shivering!
Catfish – Yeah, man. Just kinda—You got this 5.2 yard per carry rushing average and you’re staring at it, and you’re thinking to yourself, with this run game, you’re thinkin’. How am I supposed to kill this bunny?
Cleet – And you keep passing, man.
Catfish – You’re not hurtin’ it, You’re just kinda gently keeping the bunny in the game. You know what I mean? And the bunny’s scared of you. And it’s shivering.
Cleet – You got the fuckin running game!
Catfish – These running backs and the line! You’re looking at your backs and you line. You’re thinking to yourself, I don’t know what to do, man. I don’t know how to kill the bunny. With this, you don’t know how to kill the bunny!
Cleet – You’re like a big bear, man.
Phil – So you’re not just fuckin with me?
Catfish – No, I’m not fucking with you!
Cleet – Honestly!
Catfish – Phil, I’m telling you, you’re money.
Cleet – You’re so fucking money.
Catfish – I want you to go to those games and I want you to run the ball.
Cleet – You’re money!
Catfish – Come here a second. Listen to me. Look it, when you go to a game, man, I don’t want you to be the coach in the Pop Warner league making sure ever kid gets to play. I want you to crush their dreams, you know? The coach that steps on the bunnie’s neck. They know where you’re coming from and they can’t stop you, okay? You’re a bad man. You’re a bad man. You’re a bad man. Bad man.
Notes: the video game prowess shown in our movie is a direct depiction of real life, but Cleet did not grow up in Anaheim. In light of Catfish’s decision to double down on Clemson, Cleet requested this scene also be made available.
A Dear John Letter...
Dear
Upset,
I basked in your glory with Appalachian State. I was lifted off the ground in joy, by you and Hampton. I felt your scorn with Harold Arceneaux and Weber State. Over the years you’ve worn every color in every season, even white after Labor Day, and while I may have complained, I always thought you were special. You would make precious few annual visits, and your surprise endings were grand enough to make M. Night Shyamalan green with envy. You are incredible, but you have changed. I used to anticipate the next time you’d call, but now, I need my space.
You have to make decisions that are right for you. I respect that, but I cannot stand by and watch as Shakespeare becomes John Feinstein. Your works were classics, now they’re cliché. You have been slapping your name on more stuff than Golden Palace. You have even started claiming games where the better team wins. Just because a team is ranked higher, either by reputation or apathy of the “experts,” does not mean it is right for you. In fact, it’s below you. You used to work with the best, Ralph Sampson and Virginia, but now you’re working with a sub .500 Big East team? Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’ve cheated yourself and your connotation. You bridged parts of speech like few others, but now you’re condemned to a mandatory modifier. From stunning to unlikely, mild to (the unflattering) not surprising, you’ve robbed yourself of what you once were. When I look at you, I see only a shell of what was once the most feared power in sports.
The sports landscape has grown and you have become a ubiquitous presence on par with Starbucks. I want my old upset back, the one that surprised with me gifts, not this new incarnation that wants to spend every waking moment with me. I appreciate the gifts, but they seem hollow now. The possibility of your presence used to fill venues of all size. Now, you appear at any half-filled field or park with reporters present. I speak for all of us that have loved your work over the years, please reserve yourself for the truly glorious. Let your synonyms work and maybe we can get back together. I want to believe, but right now, it feels ordinary when I’m with you. Good bye, Upset, we’ll always have Lake Placid.
Forever Yours,
Catfish
Perhaps Catfish just happened to miss this mix-up from his beloved Tarheels. Not to worry, Deadspin has the story on how the magical game ball delivery for North Carolina's football opener got delivered to the wrong stadium...Duke's stadium.
Type rest of the post here
Rocky Flop
In what was possibly the most entertaining game of the first week, UCLA came back from a four point deficit to beat the 18th ranked Volunteers 27-24 in overtime. This was the second game of week one where a team won despite haveing their quarterback throw four interceptions (South Carolina the other). Kevin Craft came out blazing in the second half to lead the charge for the Bruins. Neuheisel had his team ready, which really showed in all the college games this week even though he almost gave it back in the end. In the post-game interview with Holly Rowe, Rick couldn't contain his excitement uttering "It's good to be back at UCLA, baby!" I'm guessing it was the euphoria that would lead one to call Holly Rowe "baby".
Having spent the Labor Day weekend in Tennessee, I can tell you that the Volunteer faithful, as they always are, were hopeful about this season. Playing the "no respect" card after reaching the SEC title game a year ago and having a chance to win it before a Eric Ainge close-range interception to LSU, UT and its fans felt they could slip past Florida and Georgia again. They still can, but this loss ends any delusional title hopes the program had and sets a bad tone for the (cliché alert) much maligned Phil Fulmer. The Vols would get the title game nod if they run the table from here out, but that is an incredibly delusional theory in itself.
Unlike last year, the Vols were the clear favorite coming into the game. UCLA lost three experienced starters in the first quarter and Kevin Craft looked lost and timid. It was the Bruins defense lead by their big defensive tackles and the nephew brothers of Brian Bosworth (sans headband, earring, and bright blonde mullet) that kept them in the game. An early special teams TD gave them the early lead, but then Tennessee responded with a TD of its own. A pick six thrown by Craft with just 23 seconds left before the half seemed to seal the Bruins fate. They had kept it close but gave it away. At halftime Neuheisel said he encouraged his third string QB on, which would have been a change from some of the tongue-lashing he gave Craft on the sidelines on after his 2nd, 3rd and 4th INTs. In the 2nd half Neuheisel and offensive coordinator Norm Chow let Craft loose. They simply decided that they had battled and amde a good effort, but the only way to win the game is to get this kid throwing the ball quickly and down the field. If they had bottled Craft up, and played the field position game, they would have lost, but would have gotten respect from the media for hanging in there with a superior opponent, but that is not Rick Neuheisel's style. They were going to go down swinging, and it turned out that Craft found his rhythm.
All of a sudden Tennessee seemed flat-footed. Their defense was slow to react and Norm Chow pounced. It is a credit to Neuheisel for having the team ready to go in week 1. So many games in the first week featured teams whose coaches did not have them in proper condition or mentally ready to play (I'm looking at you Tommy Bowden). The one slip I think UCLA did make was to pooch the kick-off following the go ahead score with 23 seconds left. The Vols returned it to near mid-field and then the Bruins went ultra prevent defense Madden style. They allowed Crompton to take off two big chunks of yardage with minimal pass rush setting up the tying field goal. When being aggresive and playing to win got you a lead with under half a minute left, why change strategies? Daniel Lincoln nailed the 47 yarder, but never should have been that close to begin with. The Bruins gained no yards on their opening possesion of overtime, but hit a field goal. It seemed the door was open, but Tennessee never walked through it and Lincoln missed his third kick of the game.
It is unclear how each of these teams will end up, but in this game it was apparent the coaching staff of UCLA that had their team prepared to battle, handle adversity, and beleived they could win. The Vols staff had an easier task: execute the offense and don't make mistakes but in that they fell short.
