I was going to type that it is time for "another installment" of our version of Tale of the Tape but looking back over our archives, two previous posts of similar ilk is hardly a case for making it appear as a regular feature. Also, this is our first non-sports head-to-head match up in the ASD yet its significance to the progress of the human race cannot be denied. In the late 1980s/early 1990s movie soundtracks were beginning to mirror the shift in the nation toward more of an acceptance to hip hop culture. Some purists would call this the commercialism of rap which lead to the prominence of gangsta rap's emergence in the populous. MC Hammer gave way to Tupac, Dre, and Snoop Dog. I guess it was similar to how grunge moved in and blew glam rock off the map but I digress. Today we have two primetime examples of the movie franchise-pop rap collision. Two movies, two sequels, two ridiculous plot premises, two bygone rap stars, two songs with ridiculous lyrics...one winner. Which one is superior? Read on for the breakdown.
The vitals:
Ninja Rap------------------------song-----------------------------------On Our Own
Vanilla Ice------------------Singer/Rapper----------------Bobby Brown
Cool as Ice-----------------disastrous later project-----------Bobby and Whitney
"Go ninja go ninja go"-------silly chorus phrase---------"All on our own"(sung in falsetto)
TMNT II: The Secret of the Ooze------------movie title------------Ghostbusters 2
1991---------------------------Year of release-------------------------1989
$78.656 million---------------Gross revenue--------------------$215.394 million
Radioactive goo gives animals human intelligence----ridiculous plot premise--------Evil man in painting is facilitating the spread of slime that feeds on human emotion
As rapper at a club--------------------Cameo appearance by artist---------------Doorman at Gracie Mansion
Ernie Reyes Jr.------------------kick-ass sidekick-----------------Rick Moranis
David Warner---------------------weird dude with an accent--------------Peter MacNicol
Paige Turco as April O'Neil-----------------hot chick--------------------Sigourney Weaver as Dana Barrett
Turtle Power by Partners in Kryme-------original movie pop song--------Ghostbusters by Ray Parker
TMNT Fruit Snacks--------------------Best food/drink product resultant----------------Hi-C Ecto Cooler(and it's not even close)
Now to the actual songs. First we have Ninja Rap. You really have to appreciate how much of a shill Vanilla Ice was made to be for this role. The plot situation is that the Turtles are battling Shredder's own mutant creations of Tokka and Rhazar, wolf and snapping turtle respectively, and the kerfuffle lands them in a club where Ice is up on stage performing. Instead of freaking the fuck out at the sight of 4 man-sized turtles and two hulking wolf/turtle beasts, Ice breaks out into what we are lead to believe is an impromptu song while the Turtles beat the crap out of the two and various foot clan members. They even dance a little bit for the crowd. Here, in its glory is the video for Ninja Rap. Please observe Ice's little A capella intro complete with double arm thrust. My favorite lyrics have to be the opening "Yo, it's the green machine, gonna rock the town without bein' seen" [interesting sidenote: after the club scene Shredder downs a vial of ooze and becomes Super Shredder, who was played by wrestler Kevin Nash]
Breathtaking. Now we have On our Own from Bobby Brown. The quality is a little Zapruder-esque but the good one had the embedding disabled. The song was a continuance of Brown's success after he left New Edition but before the substance abuse led him to the person he is today. Maybe he was always that guy but reality TV just highlighted it. The song was more of a backdrop to the Ghostbusters getting back in Vigo kicking mode then intertwined into the story but this video is too gold to not show. Things to note in this video being with Bobby dancing with a hoochie on different buildings located in NY. There is also numerous celebrity cameos including Rick Moranis, Christopher Reeve on a bike (too soon?), Donald Trump, and some I could not identify. Favorite lines for me are in the opening rap: "too hot to handle, too cold to hold....try to battle my boys, that's not legal!"
Man, this is a tough call. It is pretty clear that Ghostbuster 2 was a bigger success as a movie and that their use of the song was more traditional. However, I used to run through the streets with my friend with a broomstick pretending I was Donatello and the cheesiness of Ninja Rap is quite strong. My personal edge goes to the Green Machine. Feel free to disagree, I have a feeling which way friend of the blog Walter Peck is leaning, but maybe he feels betrayed about being left out of the sequel?
Thursday, July 29
Tale of the Tube: Ninja Rap vs. On Our Own
Monday, June 7
Kid Fails At Catching, Gets Rewarded
Is it inappropriate to make fun of a crying kid? Definitely but that will not stop my rant. Last night, during the Cardinals-Brewers game, Albert Pujols blasted a home run that struck a boy in the chest. Since MLB are video Nazis, I can only share the link HERE. The boy seemed to be knocked back, then he began sobbing a little bit. All was made right though as he ended up with a bat and posed for pictures from his father's cell phone with his prize.
I'm all for the kids, even though I generally do not like being around them. However, this display is a typical PR moment for the Cards and a weakinging of manhood at the same time. A few things to notice in this video; first, the kid has brought a glove, a big one mind you, to the ballpark for the very slight chance the ball finds its way to him during the courses of the game. Secondly, the kid is sitting in the front row of the outfield and Albert Pujols is at bat, your glove should be at the ready. Now I don't blame the kid for crying, a hard hit baseball stings, especially to a soft mushy nonadalescent frame, but this should be his introduction to the tough facts of life. [Daydreams about Lisa Weltchel for 5 mins] So he should take the bad, his bad fail of not catching this ball. This kid needs to learn in life sometimes you drop the ball and when you do someone else picks it up and you have to live with it. I can't tell from the video if the kid got to keep the ball, he has it for awhile in the video even though the fan next to his dad picked it up after Faily McGee missed it. The video then shows him giving it back to his father. His dad should have just looked at him and said "You're killing me Smalls!"
But no, instead we have to not only tend to his wounds, but placate him with an item of sports memorabilia. Not many can say they have an autographed Albert Pujols bat, even Jor Morgan if you listen to the audio from the video. Congratulations son, and when you grow up and get that profound sense of entitlement when you try out for a team, go for a job, seek employment, cheat on your taxes, beat your wife, and commit any one of countless felonies, remember this moment when your inability to make a play brought on sweet reward.
Some of the credit/blame goes to Pujols, who went to watch his replay in the video room. [Uh, anyone else think it is weird that dude gets to go watch a replay of his at-bat in the middle of the game?] Yet most of it falls with the kid and his parents making a big production. I really hope the guy who rightfully picked up the home run shot came away with something. One last note, check out Mom in the video once she realizes her kid has suffered no permanent damage, thanks for being a good sport and going to the game lady, hope you enjoyed staring at your cell phone for 3 hours.
Pujols gives his bat to kid after hitting him with home run ball [FoxSports Midwest]
