Amphibious Sports Duo: movies

Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 23

VHS Boxes of Epicness

A friend sent me a link to this glorious list of the 30 Most Amazingly Terrible VHS Boxes of All Time. There are some ones in this list that will have you laughing, others will have you shaking your head. For sports relevance the one below features the late Lyle Alzado was "The Destroyer". Bask in the greatness of the picture, marel at why his jackhammer has a scope on it, puzzle over the tagline and wonder if they put Lyle's head on someone else's body.

30 Most Amazingly Terrible VHS Boxes of All Time [Comics Alliance]

Thursday, July 29

Tale of the Tube: Ninja Rap vs. On Our Own

I was going to type that it is time for "another installment" of our version of Tale of the Tape but looking back over our archives, two previous posts of similar ilk is hardly a case for making it appear as a regular feature. Also, this is our first non-sports head-to-head match up in the ASD yet its significance to the progress of the human race cannot be denied. In the late 1980s/early 1990s movie soundtracks were beginning to mirror the shift in the nation toward more of an acceptance to hip hop culture. Some purists would call this the commercialism of rap which lead to the prominence of gangsta rap's emergence in the populous. MC Hammer gave way to Tupac, Dre, and Snoop Dog. I guess it was similar to how grunge moved in and blew glam rock off the map but I digress. Today we have two primetime examples of the movie franchise-pop rap collision. Two movies, two sequels, two ridiculous plot premises, two bygone rap stars, two songs with ridiculous lyrics...one winner. Which one is superior? Read on for the breakdown.

The vitals:

Ninja Rap------------------------song-----------------------------------On Our Own

Vanilla Ice------------------Singer/Rapper----------------Bobby Brown

Cool as Ice-----------------disastrous later project-----------Bobby and Whitney

"Go ninja go ninja go"-------silly chorus phrase---------"All on our own"(sung in falsetto)

TMNT II: The Secret of the Ooze------------movie title------------Ghostbusters 2

1991---------------------------Year of release-------------------------1989

$78.656 million---------------Gross revenue--------------------$215.394 million

Radioactive goo gives animals human intelligence----ridiculous plot premise--------Evil man in painting is facilitating the spread of slime that feeds on human emotion

As rapper at a club--------------------Cameo appearance by artist---------------Doorman at Gracie Mansion

Ernie Reyes Jr.------------------kick-ass sidekick-----------------Rick Moranis

David Warner---------------------weird dude with an accent--------------Peter MacNicol

Paige Turco as April O'Neil-----------------hot chick--------------------Sigourney Weaver as Dana Barrett

Turtle Power by Partners in Kryme-------original movie pop song--------Ghostbusters by Ray Parker

TMNT Fruit Snacks--------------------Best food/drink product resultant----------------Hi-C Ecto Cooler(and it's not even close)

Now to the actual songs. First we have Ninja Rap. You really have to appreciate how much of a shill Vanilla Ice was made to be for this role. The plot situation is that the Turtles are battling Shredder's own mutant creations of Tokka and Rhazar, wolf and snapping turtle respectively, and the kerfuffle lands them in a club where Ice is up on stage performing. Instead of freaking the fuck out at the sight of 4 man-sized turtles and two hulking wolf/turtle beasts, Ice breaks out into what we are lead to believe is an impromptu song while the Turtles beat the crap out of the two and various foot clan members. They even dance a little bit for the crowd. Here, in its glory is the video for Ninja Rap. Please observe Ice's little A capella intro complete with double arm thrust. My favorite lyrics have to be the opening "Yo, it's the green machine, gonna rock the town without bein' seen" [interesting sidenote: after the club scene Shredder downs a vial of ooze and becomes Super Shredder, who was played by wrestler Kevin Nash]

Breathtaking. Now we have On our Own from Bobby Brown. The quality is a little Zapruder-esque but the good one had the embedding disabled. The song was a continuance of Brown's success after he left New Edition but before the substance abuse led him to the person he is today. Maybe he was always that guy but reality TV just highlighted it. The song was more of a backdrop to the Ghostbusters getting back in Vigo kicking mode then intertwined into the story but this video is too gold to not show. Things to note in this video being with Bobby dancing with a hoochie on different buildings located in NY. There is also numerous celebrity cameos including Rick Moranis, Christopher Reeve on a bike (too soon?), Donald Trump, and some I could not identify. Favorite lines for me are in the opening rap: "too hot to handle, too cold to hold....try to battle my boys, that's not legal!"

Man, this is a tough call. It is pretty clear that Ghostbuster 2 was a bigger success as a movie and that their use of the song was more traditional. However, I used to run through the streets with my friend with a broomstick pretending I was Donatello and the cheesiness of Ninja Rap is quite strong. My personal edge goes to the Green Machine. Feel free to disagree, I have a feeling which way friend of the blog Walter Peck is leaning, but maybe he feels betrayed about being left out of the sequel?

Wednesday, March 31

ZOMG

We have all heard the stories about this movie, and now we get the trailer. I don't care how bad plot structure or scriptwriting is there is no way this movie cannot be worth watching.

Wednesday, August 19

Wednesday Links Of Seething Rage

I'm not feeling in a particular chipper mood today. I guess you could say the very walls of my existence are crashing down upon me in a tidal wave of fail, but let's not be too dramatic. There is only one thing I can think of at a time like this; breaking stuff. Who better to champion my cause than the one and only Vanilla Ice? We are not so different you and I, Vanilla. We both thought we were a lot cooler than we actually were. We're both fans of the University of Miami (notice his sweatshirt if you ever watch the Ice Ice baby video again (I watched the whole thing twice). We both are huge fans of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. And most importantly we had our reality check, although mine did not involve a behind the music. While thinking of one Ice and rage and breaking stuff, I thought of this moment from MTV. Back when people used to watch MTV, they decided to show 25 "lame" videos that they would never show again. They brought in some of the bright comedic minds of the day, well two of them at least. You may notice Jon Stewart and Denis Leary were part of the cast with Jeanine Garafalo and Chris Kattan thrown in for good measure. It turns out Vanilla had some pent up rage and like him I would like to smash a video of my earlier exploits if such a tape existed. Smash on, White Knight of a lost culture of flat top hair and funky dance moves.

A list of ten players to watch this year in college football. [Rumors and Rants]

That Bear Bryant was one smooth cat; he must have been feral spec. [EDSBS]

Obligatory Strasburg signing reference, written by guy with rage in his name! Todd Van Poppel and Mark Pryor nod approvingly. [Deuce of Davenport]

This might be the best worst movie I have ever heard of. [Loul's Dong]

Shaq's TV Show destined to go at least one episode more than Magic Johnson's. [With Leather]

Giants fans proving their brahsomeness. [Barstool Sports]

These ladies are like the village bicycle, everyone's had a ride! The Bryan Adams song choice was pure win. [YBNBY]

It's trivia day, do know your Alan Rickman movies? [Sporcle]

Joe Posnanski shows what Joe Mauer needs to reach .400. Good to see some are still dreaming the impossible dream. [JoePosnanski]

Since Keyboard Cat simply is not enough to play me off today I have asked Hall and Oates to join in the efforts.