Just Remember Kids...

"Wonder twin powers activate! Form of...a douchebag!"


If you cheat on your wife with beat, masculine women and madonna...

If you take steroids and lie about it...

If you have green-eyed jealousy for your team captain...

If you paint a mural of yourself as a centaur in your home...

If you use an HGH peddling doctor to heal your hip...

You too can be a world champion and get a $275 million contract!

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Brock Lesnar Does Not Want To Get Into Racism Or Anything But..

With UFC 100 amazingly just around the corner TBL points to this article by the Minneapolis Star Tribune where Brock waxes poetic on the WWE, the president, and steroid accusations in a Maxim interview. Here are just some of the gems.

On the WWE: "The guys who get out are the smart ones, really and truly."

On Obama: "But if Obama keeps spending our money like this, I'll have to fight till I'm 50."

On steroids: "I bet you I've taken over 60 steroid tests. In college, I had 15 random drug tests in two years. I've taken drug tests for the NFL, the WWE, the UFC. I must be pretty good at masking steroids. God gave me this body: Are you jealous of it or what?"

On...um, how he is built: "I got the genetics of--not to get into racism or anything--but I'm built like a black man. Would you say so?"

I don't know what to say to that Brock to be honest. I'd probably have to ask Sable.

Brock Lesnar: "I Like to Punish People" [Maxim]

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Report: Pedro Cerrano Used PEDs

In the wake of the New York Times story alleging that Sammy Sosa tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs in the now infamous 104 player list of 2003, an anonymous source is now stepping forward and claiming that he has first-hand knowledge that former Cleveland Indian Pedro Cerrano used PEDs in the late 80s into the early 90s. The source is refusing to reveal his identity but says he was inside that Indians locker room and has no doubt that Cerrano was taking the doping.

Cerrano arrived in Cleveland in 1989 after defecting from Cuba in the year Indians owner Rachel Phelps performed a major salary dump with the team by bringing in players who were either washed up or that came from nowhere. She was threatening to move the team to Miami and brought in manager Lou Brown who had previously been working at a tire shop. When Cerrano arrived in Arizona for spring training he initially impressed the coaches with his hitting but failed to hit the offspeed pitching. He also ruffled feathers in the locker room. The source who named Cerrano said when he first arrived at camp, "He was practicing his voodoo right in the locker room, it freaked some of the guys out."

Cerrano made the team with the coaches hoping he would figure it out. The season started slowly for Pedro and the Indians as a whole. The teams had seen him in spring training and knew his weakness. "It was clear that on any other team, Pedro would have been shipped back to the minors, independent league, or hell even shipped back to Cuba, but with Phelps in charge, she was more than happy to let the whiffs continue.", the source says.

Then a chance meeting before a game changed everything. It was early in the season when the Indians faced the Oakland A's. The A's featured the 'Bash Brothers' and before the game Jose Canseco came over to Cerrano and they began a casual conversation in Spanish according to the report. It was at this time that the source believes Cerrano was hooked up with a steroids dealer by Canseco. According to the Indian's source Cerrano prayed at his voodoo alter to his deity Jobu for a long time before starting to take steroids, "He brought a lot of rum and asked Jobu over and over again, 'Shall I take the magic?' and after a week or so, I noticed him and one of our utility players in the bathroom injecting steroids."

After Cerrano began using the fortunes of the Indians as well as Pedro began to change. The team began performing better and Cerrano was able to handle the breaking balls. Inside the clubhouse everyone was very hush on the juicing, as many players were back then and through the entire steroid era. Pedro already had the power, this was just a psychological boost because he believed it was a "magic" of sorts. "We started winning so everyone just shut up," the source states. The Indians in fact went on a tear and ending up tied with the Yankees for the division. In the one game playoff Cerrano hit a two-run homer on a curveball in which it is rumored he was about renounce voodoo because he thought the steroids were all he needed to help his bat speed on the breaking balls.

The next year after the Indians failed to make the playoffs, Cerrano converted to Buddhism. His batting once again goes in the tank which many attribute to his placid nature but in truth he was off the juice. The source, which had moved from the clubhouse to management, said it was well-known in the organization that the steroids had been the boost to Cerrano the previous season, "I was no longer in the locker room with the guys, I moved up to...management at the start of the season, but we all knew that Cerrano just was not the same when he was not taking the juice." Once again the Indians struggled to open the season and Cerrano seemed a lost cause because he seemed intent on not taking steroids again. It was then that newly acquired outfielder Isuro Tanaka began to tease Cerrano about what his use had done to his body. Claiming that Pedro had no "marbles" due to the effects of the steroids mixed with his bad play, Tanaka had clearly gotten inside Cerrano's head.

This prompted Pedro to reestablish his relationship with Canseco and begin using steroids again. The results were the same as the previous season as can be seen from this highlight:



Following the season in which the Indians once again were able to make a late season push for the playoffs but unable to win the Series, Cerrano encountered unspecified injuries and retired. He was able to parlay his popularity into a successful career in the insurance industry however. Currently, he works for Allstate Insurance but he declined to comment n the recent allegations.

The source admits that he feels bad for outing Cerrano but says, "The truth has to be told. Sure it was part of the culture for some guys back then, but it did not make it right. Pedro was a powerful player without the juice but mentally he thought it gave him an edge. In the end, I think everyone that was using back in the day needs to come out and say what they did. The game cannot get clean and move on until all the dirty laundry is aired."

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Another Friday, Another Set of Random Thoughts

Yesterday as I was washing dishes I took a gander outside my kitchen window and bam! A bolt of lightning exploded in my backyard. I was temporarily blinded and startled near the point of confusion by the boom as well. After the incident I have decided that flash grenades really are effective methods of combat, not just in FPSs. Unfortunately the strike messed up some of the electronics in the house, so this weekend I will attempt to become an electrician and fix them. After the break I wax unpoetically on events of the past week; mainly the Finals game from last night, Raul Ibanez, Mark Sanchez, and whatever floats into my brain while I punch the keys.

Magic better start with the Man in the Mirror

There comes a point where you cannot blame a loss on inexperience, it is not because you "haven't been there before", it is because you made systematic mistakes that just more than likely cost you a ring. First off, Stan Van Gundy knows more about basketball than I ever will, so questioning his moves is a bit like some local villager walking into the Sistine Chapel and telling Michelangelo, "Dude, I would go less with the cherubs and more with the pointing bearded guys." However, this is what is great about this medium we now use and peruse, opinion can be delivered from any source, no matter how smart or foolish and it can choose to be looked at and discussed or completely ignored. Mine will fall into the latter, but this is not being written from my mother's basement (we have crawl spaces here in North Carolina) and I am actually educated (Master's degree in Sport Studies) so take that grumpy old men in a dying medium. I told you I was going stream of consciousness on this folks.

Trying to get back to the issue, Van Gundo clearly differs with me in theory when it comes to Jameer Nelson. I love Jameer, love him. Rooted real hard for him and Delonte at St. Joe's but the guy has been out since before the All-Star break. No real, live game action for months and all of a sudden on the biggest stage with the most at stake he is inserted into the lineup. Not only is he getting some minutes, he played 26 last night. After game 1 the Gundo admitted he played Jameer too much. Now Nelson has not been atrocious but in my mind you do not suddenly jumble up a line-up that has brought you to the Finals and ousted the league's best team by record in the previous round. If anything, I would only play Nelson for a couple minutes at a time and if any garbage time comes along. He is a part of the team and you give him some minutes but he should not be in there getting the game-tying 3-pointer made on him.

Speaking of the 3-pointer, for the longest time I was not a proponent of fouling when you are up 3 to prevent the tie, but I have started to come around. Until basketball finds a way to deal with intentional fouls to trade free-throws for possesions, this strategy will remain integral to endgame stratagem. The Magic did right by getting the ball out of Kobe's hands but as we saw with Memphis a year ago, you cannot let the shot off. Funny how in that game as in last night's missed free-throws led to the great shot, but more on that in a moment. There is so much time off between series and games within the series nowadays that you should know absolutely everything about your opponent. Orlando should be aware that Fish is capable of stuff like this:



I don't know what my favorite part is: sad Bruce Bowen or sad Kevin Willis. Anyway, Fish getting that shot off sucked all the air out of the Amway and assured his place in Finals history if it had not been secured already.

Now we come to the free-throw line and pardon me if I beat a horse that has been dead for some time. 22-37, I will repeat, 22-37. That is simply inexcusable. I used to be decent for a white guy back in high school, I had my moments but lack of play in recent years has led me to the status of suck when it comes to playing the game of basketball. Yet, if you gave me 37 shots from the line, I bet the whole ranch I would make more than 22 of them. I know people will say, well they were pressure free-throws on the biggest stage. I'm calling bull, because these are professionals that are getting paid seven figures while unemployment in the country is heading for 10% and their job in life at the moment is basketball. With all pressure, bright lights, crowd noise (even though this game was in Orlando) and fatigue of playing the game, those shots should be automatic. Some will bounce out sure, but they are free shots, free points and when you miss them you cost your team the game. I am not here to completely dump on Dwight, the man is a beast but just one of those last two would have put the game to two possessions. Just one, that's 50% of the free-throws, but Dwight shot 42.8% for the game. Doubt I could make those free-throws? Meet me at the nearest court, I don't care if its double rim, the BDL. Perhaps it was fitting that Nick Anderson was on the mic before the game, just saying.

The Raul Dilemma

Congratulations to Raul Ibanez for hitting the game-winning home run for the Phillies to beat my beloved Mets and take the series 2-1 at Citi. You may have heard about the uproar over an article written by blogger Jerod Morris on the site Midwest Sports Fans. This all stemmed from a writer from Philly Inquirer asking Ibanez about steroid allegations and using the blog post as a reference. Another writer for the Inquirer had written an article referencing the post. Ibanez did what anyone should do if they are innocent when posed this question: he denied and said that he could be tested by whatever means available. Bravo Raul, and I tend to believe he is clean, even though he is 37 and has 21 homers already this season. The part of Ibanez's response I did not care for was taking shots at the blogger and using the tried and true "mom's basement" statement. Morris never intended the article be anything more than a search statistically for why Ibanez was flourishing at his age. Most newspaper types are so quick to discredit the blogosphere but yet they use posts such as this one as fuel to write articles and ask players how they feel about them. This was not even a fly-by-seat-of-pants article, Morris went to bnumbers, even if he did not go as far in-depth as he wanted to. His appearance on OTL was merely a chance for the old guard to parade him out there and then bash him unequivicoably. Morris did not deserve the heat he got, but this is the reality of media and their feelings towards blogs, and it is not going to change no matter how much newspapers fade away. There will always be a 'traditional' media whether it is TWWL or other TV or writers online who scoff at the notion that they be known as bloggers. Joe Posnanski describes this whole situation more eloquently than I at SI.com.

Getting back to Raul, again I applaud him for being so vehement against PED allegations but as a 37 year-old athlete who is finding success on the diamond, he should not be shocked by those who question the cleanliness of his offensive output. It is not his fault and again by most people's indications he has not taken any PED during his career but look at what has happened in baseball over the last decade. Bonds, Mcguire, Ramirez, Rodriguez, Clemens, Palmiero, are a few of the players of the highest caliber that either tested positve or are just about as guilty without conviction as you can get. After the Mitchell report and the 2004 test in which A-Rod was pegged it is clear that steroids were (are?) part of baseball for at least the last 15 or so years. It is here where the origins of the accusations of Ibanez lie, not with Jarod Morris. That's why you are getting questioned Raul, not because some guy in the basement wanted to call you out and get on ESPN. It is how the players of the highest caliber fueled some of the great performances we have seen in baseball history. So from now on, players should expect to get questioned and if they look on the bright side, it means they are doing well, because no one thinks Big Papi is on roids this season.

Marky Mark and the Cocky Bunch

Mark Sanchez just inked a huge contract with the Jets with about $28 million in guaranteed money. Personally I hope the Jets are wrong about how enamoured they are with the former Trojan QB, but the New York media and the organization seems to have fallen in sweet sweet love with him. I do not see how his arrival is any different that Matt Leinhart's was a few years ago. Both failed to win the national title in their last year at USC, both were media darlings going into and coming out of the draft, both are linked to attractive women, and both had superior offensive lines and tremendous athletes around them which in my opinion will not prepare them for life in the NFL. Sanchez may be loved now but he has 4 games against the Dolphins and Patriots defense and the entire NFC South. Let's see how he does 8 weeks into the season when they are into their bye week. Let's see if he gets them into the playoffs? Catfish seems sold that they will indeed make the playoffs and foresees Joe Flacco-like numbers once they get there. This is all well and good but if there is something that the QB classes of the past 5 years have shown us, it is foolish to make bold predictions about the young arms until they go out on the field and prove it. Luckily for Sanchez, he is not all they are talking about in Jersey, Rex Ryan and Bart Scott have been jawing it up to the media and within the division. Good stuff and right there, just got that twang of longing for football season to get here.


Well that is all I have for now. Oh yeah, there is a game 7 tonight so that should be fun.

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As Of 12:51 PM EST I Am Willing to Believe Manny

I know I said I was taking it easy this week because of work but the overload of sports has given me the strength to go through my work quicker than expected, that and the commissioner is out of town for the rest of the week. No doubt everyone has heard the news about Manny's failed drug test and subsequent 50 game suspension and reaction has come quick with many people rushing to condem Ramirez and say they knew all along the bravado with which he played the game and dealt with the media was not naturally eminating from him. Here is the statement released by ManRam:

“Recently I saw a physician for a personal health issue. He gave me a medication, not a steroid, which he thought was OK to give me. Unfortunately, the medication was banned under our drug policy. Under the policy that mistake is now my responsibility. I have been advised not to say anything more for now. I do want to say one thing; I’ve taken and passed about 15 drug tests over the past five seasons. I want to apologize to Mr. McCourt, Mrs. McCourt, Mr. Torre, my teammates, the Dodger organization, and to the Dodger fans. LA is a special place to me and I know everybody is disappointed. So am I. I’m sorry about this whole situation.”

It really comes down to personal choice on whether to trust Manny on this or not. I was always of the thought that Manny was decently sized when he came into the league, his numbers are pretty consistent(especially at this stage of his career), he's always been a great hitter, and he was of the thought that he doesn't need them to compete based on his arrogance. Of course, I would love to know if he was on the 2003 list like Canseco says he is and the Florida doctor thing makes it seem kind of sketchy. Sitting firmly on top of the fence I would say to give him the benefit of the doubt at this point in time.

[Update: Based on the substance, human chorionic gonadotropin, starting to not look so good.]

[Second Update: Oye]

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Fuzzy Math

Head of the MLB Player's Association, Donald Fehr has spoken up about the assertion that all baseball players are now considered guilty,

"If that's the judgment, it seems to me that is entirely wrong," Fehr said Monday. "We know what happened in 2003. The number of positives we had was slightly over 5 percent. That means that slightly over 94 percent was negative." (AP)

Fehr's stance is not surprising, but his math could use some work. For some as intelligent as Fehr, this seems more calculated rather than a failure at doing math in public. Here's the problem (haha, math... problem...), 104 players tested positive. Each of the 30 teams has a forty man roster that it takes to spring training where the tests took place. 30 times 40 = 1200 and 104/1200 = 8.667%. This may seem like splitting hairs, but Fehr tries to assert that just over 1/20th of the baseball players were using steroids, when in fact, it's closer to 1 in 10. Fehr's as shrewd as they come, and this was merely an attempt to dupe folks that are the product of a lazy society, figuring what's the difference. He had to know that sum... oh man, I can't stop.

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Daring Dara to Prove the Truth Seems as Unlikely as Her Accomplishment in the Pool

After watching several stories on 41 year-old Dara Torres including the clip below from PTI yesterday, and reading several good articles including Jason Whitlock’s column on the matter, I still don’t know where I stand on whether or not the swimmer is using an illegal advantage on her way to making the Olympic team for the fifth time.

As Whitlock points out, there has been as much scrutiny of Torres’s accomplishments as there has been praise. It is the reality now. No athlete, no matter the color, the reputation, or the testing will be cleared fully from now on. It is something that will mark every athlete who accomplishes the seemingly impossible from now on. To the casual observer, it would appear a definite that Torres was on PEDs. She is 41, has had a baby, underwent surgery, and spends less time in the pool than ever.

Her training regiment has been well documented. She spends hours a day stretching with two different trainers,two different masseuses and employs a chiropractor daily. Also using Meridian Resistance training and keying in on flexibility, Torres is swimming faster than ever before. The resistance stretching is named as the key source for the boost in Torres’s time.

This is not to say that there are not materials that Torres puts in her body outside of natural foods. She has a bountiful set of supplements that she takes daily. All of these supplements are of course approved by the IOC and include amino acid building supplements. The biggest contention of detractors is the asthma medicine she inhales thirty minutes before competition. The medicine increases the amount of air her lungs can take in. This appears to give a string advantage to Torres even though she argues she would not be able to breath at all without it. The medication is, when all is said and done, doctor approved and cleared for competition.

Torres has stood firm on the fact she is clean. She has begged for testing, she has referenced the East Germans she used to compete against and stated she would never do that. The largest show of relative purity is her volunteering in the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency program. Michael Phelps is also participating in the program which tests athletes well beyond the standards of normal tests. The USADA will test the urine and blood and Torres has even told them to keep the samples for as long as they want in case something is discovered down the road. She went to the USADA by herself with no legal counsel and offered her to be tested every which way.

This is in my memory the first time anyone under strong suspicion of using PEDs has sought out being tested. Think of those attempted to beguile us. Floyd Landis went on Good Morning America and plead his case, but his sample told the truth. Marion Jones denied time after time, on print and on camera, that she had never taken drugs. Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds arrogantly told us they had no part in the steroid crisis in baseball. Rafael Palmeiro pointed his finger at congress months before a test proved him a liar. Torres is attempting to confront this before, during, and after the fact. I at least admire her for that simple fact: she wants the world to know what she has in her system. As these Olympics progress not a day will go by without talk of who may or may not be taking what, and each of us must choose what to believe. I still cannot say one way or the other on Torres and that sadly will continue to be the conclusion of athletes who achieve above the norm.

Is Dara Torres Clean? I'm a Believer [NBCOlympics.com]
There's Something Fishy About Old Swimmer [Kansascity.com]

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