Friday, April 23

It's Friday: Special EPA Edition

While I pontificated earlier on my first-round thoughts from last night, we have a very special blog recap from our resident government agent Walter Peck, EPA 3rd district. Since yesterday was Earth Day, I figured it would be appropriate to get the perspective from such a respected bureaucrat. Walter is our not so mild mannered official who give his thoughts on everything from cancer, Erin Andrews in the desert, to Tebow's celebratory posse. If you are offended by cursing in print form, incorrect guesses, and discriminatory statements made towards religions, races, ethnicities, or sexual orientation then please do not read on. Otherwise, enjoy the fun while dickless here shuts off our blog powergrid for the week.

The EPA's live psuedo-blog on the NFL Draft...

7:28: Watching the intro I think to myself, this is thee most over hyped bunch of shit I have ever seen. And why the hell is Suh shirtless in his segment of the intro.

7:35: No mention by Berman of the RAAAAIIIIIDERS yet. At least that is a positive sign. And my God how phony is Gruden in fromt of the cameras. Never trust a ginger, that's what my mom always says.

7:37: My God, Sam Bradford's phone is gay looking. And I know that the Rams missed on their picks the last few drafts when it comes to getting a QB (i.e. missing Matt Ryan, Flacco, Sanchez to a lesser extent) but I just want to give them a pre-grats on picking Alex Smith #2.


8:27: Did Gruden just say the Raiders have a good roster with a solid nucleus. What a fucking pussy. Try telling the truth for a change you fraud. Rolando McClain!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

8:31: CJ Spiller for the Bills. Way to pick an even shittier version of Reggie Bush. And Reggie Bush is shitty.

8:50: The Chargers trade up for a RB that would have been there in the end of the 1st round. And that's why the Chargers will never win a championship.

8:53: Ahhh, the chants of Eagles Suck. Kevin Kolb doesn't suck... he's... he's... ah shit he sucks like the cancer that sucked away Jim Johnson's life. Too soon?

9:21: I just took a leak and that has been the most exciting thing to happen so far this evening. If memory serves, Erin Andrews is at Clausen's house. Do you think she decided not to blow him once he fell out of the top 10? Not a big enough signing bonus now to warrant the gravy facial.

8:57: Brandon Graham's house responds in typical black people at the movies way. What was with the 2 jews in the background? They're too young to be agents.

9:05: Random guess that Earl Thomas goes to the Steelers at 18. There secondary was really exposed last year when Hair Polamalu was out for 11 games. Nevermind Seahawks got him.

9:34: The line at the bottom of the screen claims Rex Grossman was a key loss for the Texans. Seriously, how much did that guy get paid by Grossman to type that. And as an Iowa Hawkeye hater I laugh that Baluga is still on the board.

9:39: It's Erin Andrews!!!! Look at that dick sucking lip gloss and Hooker hoop ear rings. I can just picture Clausen with his pants around his ankles with his hands up like - OMG it's Jesus Tebow. His posse looks like a reject Jersey shore group (Christian style).

9:43: My last prediction. Denver doesn't learn and picks Dez Bryant to replace Marshall. I would finish up the round but this is so boring I am gonna go do something productive like play Modern Warfare 2.

1 comment:

the EPA said...

Thanks for the love. Looks like I quit watching the draft about 4 picks to soon. When Denver pulled a Ryan Leaf pick by grabbing Jesus Tebow I called Catfish and could only laugh for the entire phone coversation.

And typo: It should read Erin Andrews is at Clausen's house.

Tebow in the first round: Dogs and cats living together. MASS HYSTERIA!!!!