Wednesday, August 27

Memo to London: Respond by 2012

Morning Govna! I have a message to whoever is heading the London Olympic committee. I’m sure you were watching the opening ceremonies at the Beijing games a few weeks ago, and while you no doubt were mesmerized like the rest of us, I’m sure you were thinking “Oh dear, how are we going to match this?” Well you most likely cannot. You don’t employ the same kind of method of funding and you style of government actually lets your citizens think for themselves. But considering your country’s empire once covered one-third of the globe, you need to show some source of pride and I think I know how you can make a memorable moment.

First off, if you travel through your history, it will pale in comparison. China has been around longer than you and its history is more artistic. But I’m sure some show of the grand history will be shown. It should be pretty awkward with the US sitting there though when you get to the revolution. But I digress; there is one thing you can do that will erase anything else, any other memory from your opening ceremony and possibly the entire games from a non-athletic standpoint: Bring the Beatles back to play the opening ceremony.

I realize that two of the fabulous four are no longer with us, but that can be amended. The Beatles are the greatest thing you have produced in the modern era, and their reach was global. There has been a backlash against them recently, a new generation is proclaiming that they are not as good as they were hyped to be and they are overrated. That is to be expected, their music is not transcendent, but it was the phenomenon of their move to America, of their status as deities that made them the cultural icons. All the cultural icons in popular music today can trace perhaps even the tiniest connection back to when the Beatles got things rolling.

The original Beatles sadly never got back together and when John Lennon was senselessly murdered in 1980, that chance was lost forever. With the recent loss of George Harrison it makes Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr the only two originals. I don’t care what you have to pay them, what they ask for, or whatever else; get them on stage. For the other two spots, I suggest John’s son Julian, the one who “Hey Jude” was written for. His other son Sean, looks too much like Yoko. Yoko Ono should be kept away at all costs, she has done enough damage already. To replace the great guitar playing of George Harrison, another famous British musician, Eric Clapton should suffice. The four of them, on stage in Olympic Stadium playing just before the torch is lit, would attract global attention and provide the lasting image of the games and one that everyone will be talking about.

Whatever it takes, however you have to get it done. How else are you going to come close to what the Chinese did? You have four years, get rolling old chaps.

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