Wednesday, September 29

Lighting a Candle for Catfish

Catfish has been hard at work making morning drives less grueling and more insightful. He's also been hunkered down in his lair creating a MASS device which will make him the most powerful NBA GM in the galaxy (outside Rigel 7 of course). As football season enters the conclusion of its first month back, Catfish has been welcomed back with two colossally bad football teams. First, we have the Carolina Panthers. We knew the team was going to be bad, but in all honesty were we really expecting this only three weeks in?

It's hard to mark down a definite win for the Panthers, and they still play the Rams and Browns. Maybe San Francisco's dumpster fire will burn brighter in week 7 for the Panthros to steal a win. Perhaps that is a bit harsh, John Fox is a solid coach, if a bit resistant to change. One thing is certain: when Saints host Carolina this Sunday I expect Charles Godfrey and the rest of the Panther defense to get lit up like a Manora. I'm sure when they return home to face the Bears the next week it will be a joy seeing Julius Peppers give maximum effort all game as Carolina struggles again on offense.

On the college side, Catfish's beloved Tar Heels have not had any easier go of it. After almost taking the opener off the silver platter Les Miles held out for them, UNC fell to Georgia Tech. They bounced back last week against Rutgers thanks in large part of the return of Bruce Carter. Carter was one of the many defensive stars the Heels had sitting out. The defense will keep improving as the year goes on and they get players back but will the offense, especially the playcalling, get in gear? They face interstate rival East Carolina this Saturday which is by no means a gimme. [Update: Yahoo not making things easier]

It can't be easy to stomach but then again I guess it is not as bad as being a Cleveland sports fan. At least they didn't name a horrible social network movie after you Catfish....oh wait.

(Emu getting crushed via)

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Wednesday, September 22

Strange Doings in Iowa

We here at ASD like to pander to our audience. This means hitting on subjects that our four readers find interesting. Sometimes we have to go out of our way to mention topics but other times, an Athletic Director of Beck's alma mater gets pulled over for drunk driving with a young women who is not her wife and is clutching a pair of her panties in his hand.

Well, we have another set of occurrences that have happened in the home state of Walter Peck of the EPA, 3rd district. Iowa has been at the center of some sports-related, biological, and apocalyptic events. Let's recount, SHALL WE?

First we have good news for our friend Walter and bad news for every human left on this planet. Yes, he has officially spawned and produced viable offspring. I imagine it was like the power grid was shut down(please, pleeeeease). In true Walter Peck fashion this is how he announced the birth:

And when he had opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth beast say, Come and see.

And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was [name redacted to protect him from secret papal assassination squads], and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth.
So along with the probable End of Days we have a Cedar Rapids man who had a worm in his eye eating his retina. I feel bad for this guy, mainly because this was the attitude of his doctor:
Dr. Folk said, “When you hit it with the laser, it got very upset. As upset as a worm can get, I suppose…The thing was just thrashing around violently. It would be like one of those titan movies or something.”
Release the flesh-eating eye worms! Zeus may have put Perseus in his place if he used that instead of the giant sea monster(/dick joke).

Hmmm, let's see what else, oh yeah ESPN decided for reasons slightly unclear to me went on a Big Ten tour with their show Sports Nation. I don't watch the show except for a snippet here and there. I'd watch a lot more if it was just Michelle Beadle and she was not accompanied by Captain Douchebucket. So they stopped by the University of Iowa and did some cheerleading.

As Sparky Polastry once put it, "Male cheerleaders, enough said."

Speaking of the Hawkeyes, they disposed of Walter's beloved Iowa State Cyclones 35-7 but ISU actually managed an offensive touchdown this year. Last week they fell to Arizona in a crazy game that saw the Wildcats jumped ahead, then Iowa claw back, then get sacked 3 times in a row to close it out. They'll bounce back though, even traffic-ignoring pick-ups can't stop these guys.

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Friday, September 17

Why YOU Mad?

Tom Brady drew the attention of a lot of people this week because of his comments on Patriot fans leaving the game early during their week 1 win over Cincinnati. My question is why? Who would get upset over his disappointment in fans leaving early? Some have questioned Tom's motivation for calling out his own fans and even giving the slightest hint that another team's fans would be superior to his own. Brady said that the Jets fans would not pick up and leave if the game was secured. Now if you look at the video you can see Brady has a half smirk on his face while delivering this thought to reporters. While many will see this as Tom being an arrogant, smug bastard (and they may be right) I take a different point of view.

Brady had been on a meteoric rise from 2001 to 2005. He won titles, dated hot famous women, and did horrible Stetson cologne ads. Do money and fame change who you are as a person? That may be too philosophical a debate to settle on a sports blog that has four readers. Perhaps they enhance negative characteristics, or maybe they don't change the person at all, they were just selfish and greedy (read: people) to begin with. There are those that think Brady has changed and every comment he makes while eliciting an emotion is him being a prick and acting as if he is too self-important to judged by normal men.

My opinion is this: Brady lost faith in people somewhere along the way. I can't pinpoint the date and time but I think it was around the time that TMZ video of Tom came out with the "errand boy" chant. Then the Boston media, one of the more disgusting examples of bitter journalism with the absence of integrity, writes crap like this and you wonder why Tom is not all warm and fuzzy with the media. Ever since he won 3 of 4 Super Bowls nothing will be good enough for the media machine who only became more emboldened after the Celtics and Red Sox took titles of their own. Now winning a title is the only true outcome for a season and if it fails, the retribution ranges from harsh to ridiculous. The media wants Brady to be the golden boy while they run to their keyboards and slam him for who his wife is, what he does in the offseason, and his haircut.

The New England fans have been equally two-faced. Perhaps they forgot just how hard it is to win a Super Bowl. Lions, Browns, Falcons, Chargers, Vikings, Bills, Bengals, Eagles, Titans, Seahawks, Panthers, and Cardinals fans could let them know. The sense of entitlement has seeped into the entire fanbase. Fans are quick to just point to the "rrrrrrrrrings" argument instead of making salient points about the team. Robert Kraft deserves credit for building a great stadium and turning the Patriots into a brand, but something is missing in the stands now. The most spirited fans are choosing to stay home. Why deal with traffic, parking, concessions and high ticket prices when you can catch the game from all the angles at home? That leaves the stands mostly filled with people that are there to be catered to, entertained as they clap from their seats. Living and dying with each play and watching all the way through the 4th quarter to fully gain perspective on how good the team will be this season was not on the menu for a lot of them. They just wanted to go home. That's fine and that is their right, but don't be upset when the quarterback calls you out for it. Definitely don't try to profess your infinite fandom later in the season or during playoff time.

That was Tom's point and that's why it made sense and that is why people got offended. No one likes to be called out. Everyone else piling on this are just Brady-haters of which there are a lot and I don't blame them. Celebrating like a viable clean energy solution had been discovered when Brady had his knee injury is going a little too far but I understand why people don't like him. There is a lot of not like about the guy if he doesn't play for your team. I believe Brady says these things now not because he has become a different person but because he sees the hypocrisy out there and enjoys calling people on it. He may do it because of his high self-confidence (arrogance if you like) but he knows it will push people's buttons and he does not care about backlash. He got backlash when he was on his best behavior with the media, when he tried to keep his private life private. Tom realized haters were gonna hate, and he might as well keep them hatin'.

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Sunday, September 12

Just in Case We Had Forgotten, ACC Reminds Us How Bad Their Football Is

It seems like this is an annual admission of the horribleness of ACC football based on their early season non-conference performance. There were four big out of conference match-ups for the conference on Saturday and true to form the ACC lost them all.

My Canes were impressive only in the kicking game and in their ability to vomit, bleed, and defecate on themselves at the same time during their 36-24 loss at Ohio State. Not many were expecting the Canes to go into the Horseshoe and beat the Buckeyes, yet the manner of their play was highly disappointing. Jacory Harris threw four interceptions and missed open receivers for touchdowns. Receivers dropped passes. Offensive linemen had multiple false starts. Interceptions were dropped. Only the returners were the ones who brought their best game to Columbus. A lot of credit goes to the Buckeyes for their consistent, solid play. They took advantage of the Canes mistakes. Once again the question has been asked if the Canes are back and once again the answer is a resounding "NO,GTFO LMAO ROFL kthxbai."

A lot of people were high on Florida State in Norman. Some people were very confident. Oklahoma woke up from its scare against Utah State and clobbered the Seminoles. The 47-17 win by the 10th-ranked Sooners stopped any talk of Jimbo taking FSU back to the upper echelon of national prominence.

Surely the reigning ACC champion would make us proud right? Georgia Tech had to go on the road to the wonderland that is Lawrence, Kansas. The Jayhawks lost to FCS powerhouse North Dakota State last week, failing to score more than 3 points. Turner Gil did quite a motivation job over the week as they racked up 28 points on #15 Georgia Tech in a 3 point win. Kansas was not exactly seen as a powerhouse in the BCS picture before their loss to North Dakota State, so quite the letdown from the Jackets.

Last and probably least, we have the Hokies. I have long called Virginia Tech the flag-carriers for the conference. They got a BCS win during the conference's long drought, they win 10 games or close to it year after year. Yet after an opening week loss to Boise State in what was essentially a home game, V-Tech had an incomprehensible loss in Blacksburg. FCS (powerhouse?) James Madison came into town and beat the Hokies 21-16. Tech fans were devastated but no one felt the pain of the loss more than Boise State. It is now impossible for the Broncos to make the BCS title game, even if they go undefeated.

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Friday, September 10

It's the Friday of Fridays

To me it is another lifetime. January 3rd, 2003. I was a senior at the University of Miami. Myself and two friends drove from Coral Gables to Tempe Arizona for the BCS national championship game. We drove there in a Honda Civic. As I stood on the bench seats for the fateful 4th down play, dehydrated from the salt on the Tostitos chips they were handing out, I watched as the ball went incomplete and as I was being dragged to the ground by my friends and fellow fans my peripheral vision caught a yellow dot come from out the opposing endzone...

Days later, munching a soggy Whopper in Burger King with my then girlfriend and her father I vowed that I would never recover from this loss. It is the kind of silly promise you make to yourself when you are young and full of misguided purpose. How could we turn it over 5 times? Why did Taylor (RIP much love) take that pick out of the endzone and let Clarett strip him? How did Roscoe fumble that long pass? What happened to Willis' knee (answer: it exploded)? Why did the refs wrong us?

It is only years later I have come to grips with reality, the sports world at large, and this game. A 60-ton hammer called life is mostly responsible. You see, when I was at the U I lived a charmed life. Not to get bragadocious but I got poon on the reg, was in phenomenal shape, hung out with a group of teammates that were just as crazy and didn't give a shit just like me, did a bunch of stupid acts that should have resulted in myself getting arrested or seriously injured, gave no thought to the future only the present. In short, I had swagger. The type of U swagger that the school is loved or hated for now. I was in a sports utopia as well; not only were the Canes dominating in football, but out of nowhere the Patriots won the 2001 Super Bowl. I was feeling invicible.

As I look back now, the moments since I graduated to now have made me much more of a regular, thoughtful person. I still cheer for Miami with every molecule I have, but I don't have any illusions. I still apreciate the "old days" and have respect for what Miami did to college football in the 80s, and like to make swagger jokes and throw up the U. It is all in jest at myself and support the guys on the field though, I don't live by that credo and how could I? I didn't create it. The program went into a free-fall after that night in Tempe. I had my own issues to sort out as well and now as I stand here over 7 years out of college I like to think I can look at the world lucidly. Miami lost the national title game to Ohio State, plain and simple. I still steadfastly maintain the call by back judge Terry Porter was horrible and incorrect but I'm over the game. People who have heard me argue about why the call was so erroneous might raise an eyebrow about me not being bothered by the result of the game anymore but it is true. Only the call and people defending the call upset me. Just like if the pass interference was never called Ohio State fans would be upset over the call of Gamble's catch going out of bounds late in the 4th quarter. In summation game:lost, call:shitty and wrong.

This brings us to tomorrow. A game I have been waiting years for. When I say years, I don't mean the seven since the Fiesta Bowl. I mean the 2 or 3 since this game was announced. I don't think revenge can be exacted if the Canes pull off the upset. A lot of former players have been preaching that to the current players and some of the current players have said that in one form or another. Who am I to tell them different? The game means different things to different people. I just want Miami to win to have a landmark victory against one of the programs I dislike the most and to see if they can move forward into national contention again.

I will not get into chalk talk about this game. Both teams have been preparing for a long time for it and knows what the other one will try to do to win. The game will come down to who can impose their will in the trenches and who takes care of the ball better. I think at home, in possibly wet conditions (60% chance of rain last I heard) Ohio State gets it done. I want to see the Canes fight though, unlike their effort last year in Blacksburg, and prove they can compete on the same field as the Buckeyes. Next year, when Jacory Harris and the rest of the baby Canes are seniors I expect them to be in the title hunt, but that won't happen unless they step up this year.

Chasing revenge can be more damaging to you than your target. They say the best revenge is living well. Miami got screwed more in 2000 than 2002. They cannot go around college football skulking as Edmund Dantes anymore. It's time to leave the Canes of the mid-2000s behind and begin the new chapter, one that hopefully includes winning. Tomorrow as I watch the game with some fellow U-grads, I will drink I will curse, I will bitch about calls, I will get as worked up as I ever have about a sporting contest but after it is over I will not feel that revenge was either enacted or missed out on.

Type rest of the post here

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Thursday, September 9

2010 NFL Predictions

As if the excitement college football gave us last Saturday and Monday was not enough, the NFL opens tomorrow with a rematch the NFC Championship. Favre is back, did anyone really think he was gone? The Saints look strong again, as do the Colts. Can I go back to back years picking the Super Bowl champ? Is Oakland really a darkhorse? Do these shorts make my hips look too wide? Answers to none of these and more after the break.

As always, teams listed in the division in order of finish.


New England: Homerish you might say. Perhaps a little bit, but I remain convinced the Pats run is dying, not dead. As a very tan man once said, "To be the man, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, you gotta beat the man." The play-calling needs to become more balanced and diverse and a defense with very little experience will have to implement Belichick's schemes. I think the Pats barely win the division.

Miami(Wildcard): The Dolphins made some strong offensive moves in the offseason. Getting Marshall and unloading Ginn will make a world of difference in the pass possession game. Sparano will have the defense playing frisky but I can't completely trust Chad Henne...yet.

New York Jets: Moving to the state of New York was an interesting experience for a variety of reasons. The move corresponded to the Jets playoff run last year. This place is nuts for Jets. They dominate the sports talk radio, everyone is hyped on them for this year. Hard Knocks. Rex Ryan cursing. Tomlinson calf tats. El Sanchupaquatal. Revis and his horrible Dick's commercials. In the end a whole lot of sound and noise signifying a 9-7 season.

Buffalo: I know some Bills fans, and whenever the team comes into the discussion, their face curls up like someone just shat in their lemonade.


Baltimore: Baltimore has made every move they can to improve the offense. It is all right there for Joe Flacco and his plethora of wideouts. Heap may stay healthy. Ray Rice is a hoss. Can they finally ease some of the pressure off their defense, which will not be as good this year as in years past. The answer to that question varies, as does the predictions for the Ravens' finish.

Cincinnati(Wildcard): My flier pick for the year. A stupid gamble made on Carson Palmer's arm. That's why I don't gamble in real life. However Ocho, TO, and the defense will propel them to enough wins to squeak into the playoffs again. They got some breaks last year (aside from week 1) and they will again this year. I immediately regret this pick.

Pittsburgh: The Steelers foundation showed cracks last year, and the Rapey-time 4 game suspension will not only hurt them on the field but the attention will be a distraction for a team that likes to portray itself as a blue collar do-your-job team.

Cleveland: I have faith that the Browns will get to 6 or 7 wins. Cleveland sports fans have little patience or sanity left, Jake Delhomme will not endear himself to the Dog Pound.


Indianapolis: Peyton and the Colts will put in another workman like regular season. Flaws may appear that will hurt them in the playoffs (if Bob Sanders and Gonzalez make it through the year unscathed I will raise my eyebrows in wonder) but 12+ wins and a first round bye await them.

Houston: My flier was usually spent on the Texans who burned me the past two years. They are the team of the cusp. Always on the cusp with a great offense, Schaub and Andre Johnson as an elite combination but a few tough losses short. This year I saw the trend continues and will present its evidence in week 1 where they drop another heartbreaker to Indy.

Tennessee: The Titans are counting on Vince Young to continue his play from last year. Teams will do all they can to stop Chris Johnson and Johnson will still get his yards. The Titans will right as Fisher always has them do, but another .500 season awaits.

Jacksonville: Still happy with not drafting Tebow? Those could be your jerseys flying off the shelves. Your team spotlighted on TV. Your season tickets finally being sold. I can't wait to get my hands on a LA Jags hat with a flashy yellow brim.


San Diego: Choosing the Chargers in this division because of the QB. The team still has a lot of problems but I don't think anyone in the west overtakes them.

Kansas City: Chiefs will offer the most competition. Charlie Chee-burger Chee-burger and Romeo will create a decent scheme, but the players are still a little lacking.

Oakland: There are some reasons for optimism in Oaktown. The defense should be decent, offense might be somewhat competent.

Denver: Josh McDaniels dug his grave in the shape of Tebow's forceps, now he must lie in it.


Dallas: Doing my fantasy draft while writing this (just not enough hours in the day). I got Tony Romo as my QB. I am willing to sacrifice my fantasy team for Romo to not play well.

Giants: This is the bizarro world where the questions lie with the Giants defense and the offense should be the strong point.

Philadelphia: Kolb says he expects boos and is ok with the boos. He will get booed.

Washington: I am fine with the McNabb acquisition and the Shanahan hire, I just don't think the mess will be mopped up in one offseason.


Green Bay:
We can stop calling Aaron Rodgers underrated. Everyone knows he is a good QB now. A lot of hype on the Packers this year.

Vikings(Wildcard): No magic season this year for Favre like last year but he will still be effective and the rest of the Viking weapons will propel them to another playoff appearance.

Detroit: This team has promise, they will score a few wins against teams they are not supposed to beat.

Chicago: Cold-weather city + old defense + gunslinger at QB + Mike Martz + Lovie + misuse of Hester = the Bears are not that good this year.


New Orleans: The Saints said something last year that stuck with me after they beat the piss out of New England on a Monday Night. They said they were trying to become New England, in terms of their success. They will find out this year it will be a tougher road when everyone is gunning for you.

Atlanta(Wildcard): There is one player who I think is the key to the Falcons success: Harry Douglas. Back from a knee injury, if he can be a solid number 2, the Atlanta offense will thrive.

You know your team is heading for rebuilding when Dwayne Jarrett is your number 2 receiver and people are clamoring for Jimmy Clausen to start.

Tampa Bay: Early ax for Morris?


San Francisco: Because there is nobody else.

Arizona: Matt Leinart need only look in the mirror. He had years to learn from Warner and Whisenhunt. Only neglect can lead you to not even getting a chance to start.

Seattle: This ain't the Pac Ten brah.

St. Louis:
Here lies Sam Bradford's confidence, David Carr sent flowers.


New England over Cincinatti
San Diego over Miami
Baltimore over San Diego
Indianapolis over New England
Baltimore over Indianapolis


Dallas over Atlanta
Minnesota over San Francisco
Green Bay over Dallas
Minnesota over New Orleans
Minnesota over Green Bay

Super Bowl Pick: Minnesota over Baltimore

And the Favre coverage makes your eyes bleed...

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Tuesday, September 7

If Ya Smellalalalalalalallowwwwww....

Pretty much have one focus this week. Some quick NFL predictions but other than that it is all about the Miami-Ohio State game. I would ask what the hell Dwayne "The Rock as I will always know him" Johnson is doing filming Fast and the Furious part 5 but who cares. The man could do The Tooth Fairy and 50 sequels and he would still be the man.

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Friday, September 3

It's Friday

It's also the Friday at the start of a Labor Day weekend so celebrate like the good University of Miami faithful at their 42-0 victory over FAMU last night and throw a douche with a ponytail down a section of stadium seats (see :14).

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Thursday, September 2

2010 College Football Predictions: The BCS

BCS Title Game: #2Ohio State vs. #1Alabama
Fiesta: Cinicnnati(Big East) vs. Nebraska(Big 12)
Orange: Virgina Tech(ACC) vs. Wisconsin(At-large)
Sugar: Florida(At-large) vs. Texas(At-Large)
Rose: Boise State(At-large) vs. Oregon(Pac Ten)
BCS CHAMPION: Ohio State (/vomits)

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2010 College Football Predictions: The SEC

The final conference on our preview is the best in the country, but they are not head and shoulders above all the others. Listen to a fan of one of their teams, even one that hasn't won anything in years, and they will make you aware of this status. When they point to the BCS trophy case though, there are not many arguments against it. It will be the usual suspects at the top of the conference. I'm listening to my Canes take on FAMU so let's get through this.


1. Alabama- Tide will be good once again. They have their sites set higher than just repeating in the SEC and they should. They did lose a lot of players on defense, but that is Saban's specialty. He has Hightower coming back and plenty of talent to replace those that left. The offense coming back intact is what has me high on Bama. McElroy has plenty of confidence. Ingram going down is a negative but Richardson is right there to fill in. The game against Penn State I don't expect to be close, the game at Duke will be interesting but a Bama win. The road through the SEC is never easy but Alabama on paper should win every game they have on that schedule.

2. Arkansas- Ryan Mallet has done something quite impressive; he has made everyone forget how much of a douche Bobby Petrino is, at least temporarily. There is a lot to like on the offensive side of the ball, but the Hogs defense wasn't up to snuff last year. They should improve on D this year but not enough to take them to elite status but since they do play in the SEC, 3 or 4 losses will get them a ton of respect.

3. Auburn- Hey, Gene Chizzik is a douche too. Seems to be a trend among most SEC coaches although Lane Kiffin leaving did reduce the douche factor. The dynamic offense leads the way for Auburn but the defense gave up 27.5 points a game last year. I don't think War Eagle beats Bama but they will have some surprises for the other schools in the SEC. Their week 3 match-up against Clemson is intriguing.

4. LSU- I asked Les Miles to write up a detailed preview for me about how the team will fair this year but he did not get it in on time. HEY-yoooooooooo. Seriously though, LSU will be tough defensively but not score a lot of points. Have a great day!

5. Ole Miss- Houston Nutt did not get Masoli playing this year, but the guy will play. Having to sit out a year after trying to take advantage of a rule and you got convicted of robbery and stopped in your car smoking pot is not the largest tragedy I've ever seen. I'm interested to see what Ole Miss does without McCluster to lean on.

6. Mississippi State- Dan Mullen inspired some people last year to have hope for the future. .500 is the best they can hope for this year.


1. Florida- It's gotten to the point where reporters ask new QB John Brantley if he is tired of answering Tebow questions, then ask him ten consecutive Tebow questions. Florida is not as good as last year, but they will be good enough to win the East, barely.

2. Georgia- The Mark Richt hot seat talk is beyond stupid. The guy has led Georgia to an outstanding first decade of the new century. He should have at least two more 8-5 seasons in him until the heat turns up. This year should not be one of those years. Despite a new QB taking over, the line and the RBs should be the focal points of the offense. Of coursee AJ Green will help at wideout. Georgia's biggest challenge may be staying out of the police blotter, which they did enough to in win the Fulmer Cup.

3. South Carolina- How to make a South Carolina season: Start with high expectations from fans somewhat unrealistic, then add a strong start including an impressive win over a non-BCS team, mix thoroughly and add some cumin, then increase the ranking around the top ten, proceed to have the foundation fall apart resulting in a jovial collapse and poor bowl game performance. Ta-daaaaaa.

4. Tennessee-
Derrick Dooley won't convince anyone he can hang in the SEC until he wins. That is all people in Knoxville care about at this point. Star players beating up cops? Who cares, just get us to the point where we aren't losing 6 games anymore.

5. Kentucky- Joker Phillips presents an excellent opportunity for UK students to come to the game dressed in Dark Knight attire. Yep, all I got.

6. Vanderbilt- Bobby Johnson headed on down that road in the offseason. That rumor about the nerds inheriting the turf was greatly exaggerated.

Player to watch: AJ Green, Georgia
Exceeds Expectations: Arkansas
Fails Expectations: LSU
In-conference game to watch: Florida at Alabama, Oct. 2
Out of conference game to watch: Alabama at Penn State, Sep. 11

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2010 College Football Predictions: The Big Ten

Many people think the Big Televen was the big winner out of the conference reorginization that happened over the summer. However, there are some traditionalists out there that think it is the ending of the world that the conference will be split into two divisions when Nebraska joins and makes it the Big Tweleve in 2011. I understand there can be some resistance to change, many fear change. Since I have no emotional attachment to the subject my thought is to just move on and be happy you added one of the best programs in college football and now your BCS teams won't be stale in big games from sitting out almost two months. Most of all, like most people wanted the Ohio State-Michigan game will remain the last game of the regular season. One mouth-breathing tradition preserved at a time.

1. Ohio State- The Bucks are the big dog in the yard, and have been for the decade. I'm taking my disdain for them out of the equation here, I think OSU is going to have a very good year. I'm not expecting fireworks from Terrelle Pryor in the passing game, he won't be facing Oregon so the 300 yard passing games won't be raining down upon us. I do expect him to improve in not turning the ball over. The Sweater Vest has received some criticism for his conservative game tactics, but those tactics have lead Ohio State to be a fixture in the BCS. The Rose Bowl win silenced some critics but not all. If Ohio State makes it to Glendale this year for the BCS title game like I think they will, Tressel and the Bucks will have a chance to silence the entire nation.

In terms of the Big Ten, they have some challenges ahead. At Wisconsin, and at Iowa. The rest of the Big Ten schedule should be doable and that includes Penn State at home. I think they will drop one of those two but it will not cost them one of the top 2 spots. Yes there is a lot of hoopla around week 2 and Miami's visit to the Shoe. I am going to plug my ears that week because I don't want to relive 2002. Winning that game for either team will be huge, but it does nothing in regards to that night in Tempe. Neutral field or South Florida I would give the Canes more of a shot, but I think OSU wins by 10.

2. Wisconsin- Badgers are big and bruising. Their offensive line averages 320 pounds and they have John Clay who is already established as a big time college football running back. They made a statement last year in Orlando beating up Miami in the trenches. This is the quintessential Big Ten power team. Their schedule is pretty luke warm outside of conference but in conference play they face Iowa and Ohio State in back to back weeks. I think big things will be happening in Madison this year, perhaps a BCS at-large, but just shy of national title talks.

3. Iowa- A lot of chirping is coming from the folks over at Kinnick this year. After an improbable string of close victories and comebacks, the Hawkeyes capped the year by winning the Orange Bowl in impressive fashion. There's no doubt Adrian Clayborn is half man, half bear-pig and McNutt at wide receiver needs to be mentioned simply because his name is McNutt. The Hawkeyes need to be more consistent and I know that sounds strange for a team that did as well as them but after a certain amount of time, luck runs out for us all. That said this team is very capable of making its own luck.

4. Michigan State- My word their OOC schedule is appaling. If you are pumping Notre Dame up as your bigtime showdown outside the Big Ten then you know its bad. I know, rivalry game, flags were planted and all that but sheesh. Therefore, I think MSU will get the confidence early on to thrive and build themselves up for the Clemson of the midwest we all know they are. Wisconsin coming to East Lansing has upset alert written all over it. Avoiding Ohio State also helps. But then I am sure some losses will be smattered here and there, like at Iowa and at Northwestern that will crush conference hopes. I feel another trip to Florida for a bowl game, Capital One, Outback, Champ Sports, something.

5. Penn State- The mood is somber when Joe Pa is brought up nowadays. I wonder how the conversations about the legend go in Happy Valley, because outside of there the talk turns downright morbid. We are basically at the point where people are waiting for Paterno to die because he will not retire. He has earned the right not to, but it makes for skin-tearing when the team beings to struggle. Joe quited doubters last decade after PSU won two Big Ten titles and made BCS bowl appearances but now those accomplishments don't seem to justify keeping an aged coach around. It's too early to say but there are rumors about a paucity of recruits coming in. It is a sad commentary but I think other schools are telling recuits not to go to PSU because of JoePa. Unfortuantely any talk of Penn State in the media will begin and end with this topic, which will adversely affect the team. A bowl game waits for the Lions, but not as good as one they want.

6. Northwestern- It's hard not to root for a guy like Pat Fitzgerald. He is doing at Northwestern what many people thought was possible but not likely: create a consistant winner. Now can he elevate them to a higher status? It would be an amazing thing if he could. The Wildcats don't exactly reload so easily and offensive line losses and the loss of Mike Kafka will metamorphosize into a slighty worse team this year.

7. Purdue- The Robert Marve era has begun in West Lafayette. Having seen everyone of Marve's games when he played at Miami, I can say that the guy is athletic. His throwing can be erratic and he can try to force the ball at times, and while had had to sit out last year he also tore up his knee and had to sit out for awhile. I think Marve can help Purdue reach for that .500 mark this season, especially with the easy OOC that only has Notre Dame as an opener. Just don't go thinking he is a savior for the Boilermakers.

8. Michigan- As we slog down to the end of the Big Ten, there are some teams that make you shake your head, but Michigan makes you scratch it. People are not sure where to peg this team. Rich Rod is installing his program theory in a conference that is completely counter to it. He has not brought in the best players even for his system and now there are rumors of his seat heating up even though he has not had a full recruiting cycle there. A lot of questions will be answered in Michigan's first two games. UCONN comes to the Big House and then they travel to South Bend. If they lose both of those, it is going to get ugly in Ann Arbor.

9. Minnesota- The Gophers lost their fast white receiver? How will they ever recover.

10. Indiana- At least the Hoosiers know where they stand in football. They want to make a bowl, and get some bowl money, and not be seen as a complete smushsmortion of a football team so they scheduel Towson, Western Kentucky, Akron, and Arkansas State out of conference.

11. Illinois- It's been said that Ron Zook pisses intensity. It appears he has a urinary tract infection because there has been nothing intense about the Illini the last couple years.

Player to watch: John Clay, Wisconsin
Exceeds expectations: Michigant State
Fails expectations: Penn State
In-conference game to watch: Ohio State at Wisconsin, Oct. 16
Out of conference game to watch: Miami at Ohio State, Sep. 11

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Happy College Football Day and 9/02/10!

Rest of our college football previews today, inclduing our BCS picks. Hey did you know today is 9/02/10 day? Well if you haven't every hipster you know or work with will remind you. Aside from the numerical date representing one of the paragons of the 90s, today is the start of college football! YEaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. In order to celebrate please enjoy our all-time favorite clip of 90210, and no it is not Donna losing her V-card.

Although Tiffani did well in this clip and on the show by all accounts (I stopped watching by the time she got there) she is not going into the hall of fame as Valerie Malone, she'll be wearing a Saved By The Bell cap for sure.

For a pretty statastic preview that goes more by the numbers than I did here, check out this sweet feature from the Wall Street Journal for all 120 teams.

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2010 College Football Predictions: The Others

A lot of the discussion since the pre-season polls came out has centered around Boise State. There are many that feel that since Boise will play a large portion of their schedule against very inferior competition they do not deserve to get into the BCS title game over a deserving team from a conference like the Big Ten or SEC. I see there point and mostly agree. Others are saying the Broncos have proven that they belong with the big boys and do have games against a top ten team and a top 25 team in the first couple weeks so who could fault them if they are merely taking advantage of being ranked so high to sneak into the game. I see their point and mostly agree. The teams outside a BCS-AQ conference that will make national noise are next.

Boise State- By the end of Labor Day we will know whether the Broncos can claim a spot in Glendale or not. Their game against Virginia Tech at FedEx field has grown into a college football secular holy war between Boise believers and the traditionalists who feel they have no place at the table. The Potato army has been preparing for this game the day after the Fiesta Bowl ended. Chris Petersen has been scheming and scheming. I think Boise wins this game. Not easily but they have set this game up as a de facto national semi-final for their title chances. They will be pumped and I think they can edge it out with help from their defense.

So this means I think they are going undefeated right? Wrong. As we have seen with many other teams, I think they get tripped up but one of their unranked foes in conference. A game we would think they have no business losing; at Nevada, Fresno State, they will have an off night and fall in a crazy, high scoring OT game. Dream shattered, title gone, and most likely BCS game up in smoke.

TCU- It was a shame, a damn shame I say that TCU played so poorly on offense in the Fiesta Bowl last year. They were one of the top 3 or 4 teams in the country before that game in my opinion. Most people had not seen them play, but the team was stacked with speed, talent and muscle. Gary Patterson's defense was insane, only allowing the opposition to score over 20 twice,and that was in two blowouts against Texas State and Utah. Their schedule also had some high-ranked teams that the Frogs took out. BYU and Utah were obliterated, they won in Death Valley and Clemson. They only gave up 17 points to Boise State and 7 of those were on a fake punt.

All that said, TCU lost on the field and allowed people who had no clue about the team to dismiss them. This year the Frogs start out at #6 in the polls but the only opponent you could call better than decent on their schedule is the opener against Oregon State. After that they are going to have to hope that the teams on their schedule play above their talent level. Otherwise I don't see them leap frogging undefeated teams or the top conference teams with one loss.

Now those are the two biggest players in the non-AQ/Independent race. Now here is where Notre Dame fans want to start bitching about how they are going to contend this year under Brian Kelly in his first year. Well to that, I say this:

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Wednesday, September 1

2010 College Football Predictions: The Pac Ten

The Pac Ten has been using its Extenze as Jimmy Johnson directed. They will be expanding but first they can soak up their traditionally goodness. USC was knocked off their perch last year, then took a hammer to the nuts. What will happen on the left coast this year?

1. Oregon- You can have QBs rob people, RBs punch people, but the bottom line is Chip Kelly can get an offense to score. They may get into trouble when they play a very tough, physical defense. /Scans schedule. They'll be fine until bowl season.

2. Oregon State- Jacquizz is magical. Biggest little man in college football. Mike Riley has quietly been building a solid non-national factor team up there in Corvalis. Early season losses to TCU and Boise State will kill any national buzz but they work well while under the radar.

3. USC-
Lane Kiffin, people don't like you but as long as your wife likes you and your check-signing hand likes you, people like me thinking your a dick doesn't matter.

4. Arizona State- Tough conference schedule, but something tells me Dennis Erickson rubs his old, crusty knees together and makes the top half of the conference.

5. Washington- Jake Locker, you are the latest overhyped QB to be in the Heisman talks and on the draft gurus big board way too high, what are you going to do next? He's going to be incredibly mediocre, that's what.

6. UCLA- Rick Neuheisel must think he is riding high now that USC has come down to earth. Wins are not automatic Rick.

7. Stanford-
Andrew Luck will be good, rest of the team won't.

8. Arizona-
Dissapointing season for the Wildcats

9. Cal- Not the Best year for the Bears. C wut I did dere?

10. Washington State- Bads.

Player to Watch: Jacquizz Rodgers, Oregon State
Exceeds Expectations: Oregon State
Fails Expectations: Arizona
In-conference game to watch: Oregon at Oregon State, Dec. 4
Out of conference game to watch: UCLA at Texas, Sep. 25

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2010 College Football Predictions: The Big XII

Yes, work is smoking me blah blee blah. Going to have to cut my predictions down a little bit in order to get them in before football starts (tomorrow!). So order of finish and a quick blurbity blurb. The Big XII was the almost the fault line for the complete earthquake and continental restructuring of college football. Nebraska and Colorado will be gone soon and Texas hogging a majority of the cash so who knows how long the conference will stay on its feet but it is for this year so let's pick this bitch.


1. Nebraska- The Huskers lost all-world DT and Delhomme decapitator Suh. However, the schedule is quite favorable with their toughest test and only current ranked opponent Texas coming to Lincoln. Huskers are a trendy pick to run the Big 12 and even possibly get to the title game. It's hard to pick against that schedule, but I don't think they have title capability this year. That is unless Zac Lee or Cody Green at QB can suddenly find their ability to move the ball.

2. Missouri-
Mizzou had some major egg on their face when it was made public they wanted to join the Big Ten "cool kids club" and were denied. They reacted to this disappointment in an all too familiar way: their players started boozin'. The Tigers should have a solid season but with the uncertainty around them, even a Holiday Bowl appearance would ring hollow.

3. Kansas State- I'm not sure how Bill Snyder will hold up now that he has been out of the cryogenic vault for so long, but I expect K-State to make a bowl and perform admirably in conference.

4. Kansas- Turner Gil has arrived to wash the mouth out of KU after Mark Mangino hurt some feelings. Mangino of course brought Kansas to prominence which explains some methods to his madness but did not excuse all of the behavior. Gil will try to keep that momentum going but use a different car to get there. Not so much this year.

5. Iowa State- .500? .500.

6. Colorado- You see that Timmy, that's Dan Hawkins job at Colorado going down in flames.


1. Texas-
Yes, they lost a lot but does conventional wisdom always work for the purpose of truth and goodness? Galileo says fuck no. Texas gets Oklahoma and Nebraska back to back and after that they will cruise until the game against A&M. I think they beat the Sooners and lose to Nebraska and the Aggies. They win a tiebreaker for the head-to-head over the Sooners.

2. Oklahoma- Sooners will have a good season but fans will be disappointed in no Big 12 title game. Also this:

(via EDSBS)
3. Texas A&M- Popular sleeper? Maybe. Jerrod Johnson Heisman candidate? Possibly. Beat Texas? It could happen. Sherman leading the Aggies to a BCS berth? Nope.

4. Baylor- If Robert Griffin's knee is not made of lime jello the Bears could have a solid year.

5. Oklahoma State- Mike Gundy, the T. Boone tolls for thee.

6. Texas Tech- I'm a huge Tuberville fan, but Lubbock will need some time to adjust from dark rooms and pass-happy offense.

Player to watch: Jerrod Johnson, Texas A&M
Exceeds Expectations: Kansas State
Fails Expectations: Oklahoma State
In-conference game to watch: Texas at Nebraska, Oct. 16
Out of Conference game to watch: Holy shit, there are not many good OOC games for the big boys. I'll take Oklahoma at Cincinnati, Sept. 25
BIG XII CHAMPION PREDICTION: NEBRASKA (this time the clock runs out)

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