Thursday, September 4

The Mr. Green Locks of the Week

One of my favorite movies, if not the favorite, of all time is Clue, based on the popular board game. Who hasn't busted out with a Clue joke before when facing an uncertainty, "I know, it was Miss Scarlet in the Convservatory with the Candlestick!" And hilarity ensues. The cast was acutally pretty wide ranging and well-traversed in the movies. Martin Mull as Colonel Mustard, Madeline Kahn as Mrs. White, Christopher Lloyd as Professor Plum, and the incomprable Tim Curry as Wadsworth/Mr. Body. It was actually well written too and very funny. As a kid I would sit and watch the damn VHS over and over again. I had the whole movie memorized, for reasons now I know not. My mom tells me they are remaking the movie; why not, they are remaking every single movie out there, why not this one. If they are, they damn well better do a good job. In the spirit of Clue, which will no doubt be referenced by myself many times to come on the site, I present my Mr. Green Locks of the Week for the NFL. Mr. Green was the character played by Michael McKean, masterfully I may say. McKean has been in numerous movies including the lead in Spinal Tap. He was also on SNL for numerous years and was in Best in Show, and A Mighty Wind. He is the character who is given the weapon of the lead pipe by the fake Mr. Body in the beginning. And although there are alternate endings he never does wield said lead pipe to kill the Cop whom Miss Scarlet had been bribing in the Library. Nevertheless, in honor of his gift of weaponry each week I will present my lead pipe lock NFL picks. Here are the week 1 picks (no spread, not for gambling purposes)....

WSH at NYG: Giants, I think the G-Men will struggle this season, but still be respectable.
SEA at BUF: Bills, time for the Buffs to make a stand before they get shipped off to Canada.
DET at ATL: Lions get the win, but might be closer than it should be.
CIN at BAL: Bengals, time to turn it around in the nati.
STL at PHI: Eagles, McNabb and Reid should be used to the pressure by now.
HOU at PIT: Texans, that's right, I feel the upset, Texans could be under the radar this year, but the Steeler O-line is shaky.
JAC at TEN: Jaguars, I don't think the coordinator was VY's problem, that being said they were a playoff team last year, but the Jaguars just keep improving.
TB at NO: Saints, happy to not be playing on the road this week; thankfully Gustav was curved to the left.
KC at NE: Patriots, look for a more mellow game approach as opposed to the steamroller technique of Belichick last year.
NYJ at MIA: Jets, ZOMG drama! Despite the QB undertones, the Dolphins still have bad personnel.
ARI at SF: Cardinals, I think if Edge performs well and Warner stays healthy, could be a good year in the Pink Taco.
Car at SD: Panthers, going back to my trendy's post, just don't trust the Chargers this year.
DAL at CLE: Cowboys, time for an old-fashioned Cleveland-style let down
CHI at IND: Colts, even though I am supportin' Orton
MIN at GB: Packers, anyone else care outside of Wisconsin that this match-up will be Favre-less, should be a good one.
DEN at OAK: Raiders, oh yeah, I went there.

And a bonus! My Super Bowl picks for this year:
Patriots over the Cowboys. Unoriginal yes, but just think it will happen this year.

Anxious to see how bad I do. Shake, rattle, and roll (Theme song from Clue).

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