We at ASD are pleased to announce our first ever movie production and first slightly NSFW post. In light of this announcement, we’ve provided a clip of the movie we initially pitched to the studios. When Cleet and I first pitched the idea, we were told it would never work. Not unlike Matt Damon (Catfish) and Ben Affleck (Cleet minus both Jennifers), we had to do re-writes time and again. After months, nay years, we’ve been greenlighted. In the clip below, the taller Catfish as Trent is being played by Vince Vaughn. Cleet as Sue, is being portrayed by Patrick Van Horn and the part of forlorn Phil Fulmer is Jon Favreau. The bunny refers to the UCLA Bruins. This scene was before re-writes, and the new dialogue follows:
Catfish – We got wins, Baby.
Phil – Yeah, what a surprise.
Catfish – What’s wrong with you? I saw you whipping up on a powder blue patsy.
Phil – They weren’t patsies, okay? I made a fool of myself.
Catfish – Philly, don’t talk that way.
Cleet – You’re so money and you don’t even know it.
Catfish – That’s what I keep trying to tell him.
Phil – Could you not mess with me, right now?
Catfish – Philly, we’re not messing with you.
Cleet – We’re not.
Catfish – You know what you are? You’re like a big bear with claws and fangs, man.
Cleet – Big Fucking Teeth, man.
Catfish – Yeah, big fuckin’ teeth on ya. UCLA’s just like this little bunny who’s just kinda cowering in the corner.
Cleet – Shivering!
Catfish – Yeah, man. Just kinda—You got this 5.2 yard per carry rushing average and you’re staring at it, and you’re thinking to yourself, with this run game, you’re thinkin’. How am I supposed to kill this bunny?
Cleet – And you keep passing, man.
Catfish – You’re not hurtin’ it, You’re just kinda gently keeping the bunny in the game. You know what I mean? And the bunny’s scared of you. And it’s shivering.
Cleet – You got the fuckin running game!
Catfish – These running backs and the line! You’re looking at your backs and you line. You’re thinking to yourself, I don’t know what to do, man. I don’t know how to kill the bunny. With this, you don’t know how to kill the bunny!
Cleet – You’re like a big bear, man.
Phil – So you’re not just fuckin with me?
Catfish – No, I’m not fucking with you!
Cleet – Honestly!
Catfish – Phil, I’m telling you, you’re money.
Cleet – You’re so fucking money.
Catfish – I want you to go to those games and I want you to run the ball.
Cleet – You’re money!
Catfish – Come here a second. Listen to me. Look it, when you go to a game, man, I don’t want you to be the coach in the Pop Warner league making sure ever kid gets to play. I want you to crush their dreams, you know? The coach that steps on the bunnie’s neck. They know where you’re coming from and they can’t stop you, okay? You’re a bad man. You’re a bad man. You’re a bad man. Bad man.
Notes: the video game prowess shown in our movie is a direct depiction of real life, but Cleet did not grow up in Anaheim. In light of Catfish’s decision to double down on Clemson, Cleet requested this scene also be made available.