Monday, October 20

Hockey Night in Carolina

Tonight, we headed to Xtra Medium's to watch the Pats and the Broncos epic clash. With Hoodie's troops firmly in control for the entire second half, we checked in on the Florida Panthers/Montreal Canadiens game. Having never seen hockey in the full glory that is 60" HD, it became clear what we must do. For years, we've avoided regular season hockey like it's Big Ten Women's Volleyball, but would always become infatuated come playoff time. With no hockey teams in the area (no, Raleigh doesn't count), we've decided to pick a hockey team to follow for this season. Xtra Medium has agreed to host Hockey Night in Carolina and dress like Don Cherry, so needless to say we're excited about the tremendous potential of this proposal.

Using a patented ASD scientific method, we've trimmed the list of teams on a rotational basis down to a Frozen Four. For those curious types, we're divulging our secret elimination method.

1. No Canadian teams. If for no other reason than this girl's Canadian.
2. Carolina Hurricanes. The robbed us of the greatest logo in sports and unlike Raleigh natives that try to claim the Panthers, we're not playing that game.
3. Philadelphia Flyers. The Philly fans are overrated. Now that every talking head can't discuss Philly fans without bringing up Santa Claus, they wear that distinction like a badge of honor. Unfortunately for them, everyone regards that badge of honor on par with winning Flavor of Love. Jimmy Rollins was right, and we don't want to root along side front runners.
4. Pittsburgh Penguins. The close proximity to the Steelers and Hines Ward is too much to forgive.
5. Atlanta Thrashers. Chicken with a stick logo. And this thing.
6. Boston Bruins. Bad owner and Boston fans are quickly working up the ranks of annoying fans.
7. Florida Panthers. There's only one Panthers team. They also ruined "More Cowbell"
8. Columbus Blue Jackets. Ohio State proximity.
9. Dallas Stars. On the off chance that any Cowboys show up to any Stars games, we want to be free to boo.
10. Colorado Avalanche. The dirty foot logo, Claude Lemieux. Don't worry, Patrick Roy can't hear us because he's got his Stanley Cup rings plugging his ears.
11. Detroit Red Wings. They won the Cup without us, and we don't want to be front runners.
12. Anaheim Ducks. They've never used the Flying V and they're no longer Mighty. How did they go from winning the rec league, to winning the world championships, to unable to make the varsity team?
13. LA Kings. They picked their colors in hopes of not offending gangs, and besides they're a bitch team.
14. Chicago Blackhawks. A discriminatory logo and the lack of Roenick (he's good) make them a pass.
15. New Jersey Devils. They're named for a chupacabre-esque figure, and rooting for teams named for small people/demons isn't our thing. They also played an abysmal type of hockey at their peak, and while it was effective it wasn't fun to watch. They're also from New Jersey.
16. New York Rangers. The stench of Jaromir Jagr still lingers, and because they're owned by James Dolan we're gonna call Jagr a bitch, even if Isiah Thomas can't.
17. Nashville Predators. Never rooted for anything from Tennessee and not gonna start now.
18. St. Louis Blues. Will not root for this jersey.
19. Minnesota Wild. If they were still the North Stars they might not have gotten cut.
20. Phoenix Coyotes. Janet Jones had money on us picking the Yotes, but we're not.
21. San Jose Sharks. "Smile, you son of a..."

This leaves us with the following choices: Tampa Bay Lightning, Washington Capitals, New York Islanders, and the Buffalo Sabres. We'll be detailing the pros and cons of each team and picking a team by the end of the week. Please help by voting in our poll.


K-Man said...

The Isles should be the team. Colors are cool, they smarten up and got rid of the Gordon's Fisherman uni's plus they could use all the fans they can get. I know cleet will like they are the Mets of Hockey for New York, just an underdog team in their own city because of the site and history of where that other New York team plays. Plus the only NHL game I have ever been to was at the Nassau Memorial Coliseum in a 4-0 victory over the Senators. LET'S GO ISLANDERS!!!

Catfish said...

Xtra Medium called to remind me that the TV is 61". When you're an XM you don't give away inches.