Wednesday, October 15

Top Ten: Ugly Uniforms

After hunting and gathering images of the uniforms that came to mind for this list, I found a lot of hate from people who think a good-natured jab at their team's uniform is a statement of mockery of the organization as a whole. Forgetting firstly that this is an entirely subjective subject that has been done and redone, fashion is in the eye of the beholder and what is putrid to one person might be aestetically pleasing to another so all I'm saying is in my opinion, these uniforms ain't got no alibi. Continue reading for uniform fugliness.

10. Vancouver Canucks

Some hockey purists may contend to the greatness of this jersey, but it reminds me of when Spaceball 1 goes into Ludicrous speed. It may have its niche though, as far as being awfully terrible.

9. Cleveland Cavaliers

This franchise has had a host of questionable uniforms over the years, but these Danny Ferry/Bob Sura era stand alone. I'm not sure what the motivation was to go to these colors or the point of the ice cream swirl light blue and black design. I' sure LeBron is happy he doesn't have to run around in these for the next two years before he jumps ship.

8. Sevilla

Far be it from me to pay attention to soccer outside the World Cup, mainly because of stuff like this, but pink is just something you should not do. It is not the new orange. Interesting side note: Penn State's uniforms were actually pink and black back in the day but the sun faded them into the colors we see today.

7. Washington Wizards

In basketball, the two color system for the jersey and shorts just doesn't work for me. This uni in no way invokes thoughts of wizardry in my mind.

6. Oregon Ducks

There are many out there who enjoy the Ducks' uniform but I am not one of them. The yellow radiation color coupled with the tire tread shoulders makes it hard to imagine that this school is the one that Phil Knight of Nike is donating hundreds of millions to.

5. Nike College Football

There were a handful of schools that rocked the one-shoulder bionic upper-arm look a few seasons ago in college football. I chose to go with the Gators for this picture. It looked as if that part of the jersey had been torn off and a neon patch took its place. The Virginia Tech ones looked especially bad and yes, even the U put on this hideous creation. Sometimes different for the sake of being different comes off as trying too hard as it did here.

4. Philadelphia Eagles

The Eagles put up huge numbers against the Lions when they put on these monstrosities but it does not deter the fact that it looks like Smurfette was placed in a blender, mixed and then poured onto these jerseys.

3. San Diego Padres

Sweet fancy Moses. These just make me think of some kind of banana custard gone wrong. Even if it was the 70s or early 80s, there is no way you could think these were kickin' uniforms could you?

2. Tampa Bay Bucs

The color is already legendary but to me it is the logo that takes this one over the top. The dashing(?) pirate with the dagger clenched firmly in his teeth. It also did not help that the Bucs were as awful as the tangerine during this era. Everyone agrees the the modern day pewter is a much better choice.

1. Chicago White Sox

In perhaps one of the greatest no business moments in sports fashion the Chicago White Sox rolled out the shorts, high socks, and collared shirts. They could have passed for a local beer league softball team. For as long as their has been baseball there has been pants in baseball, it's better to keep it that way.

Here are some honorable mention that I wanted to include:
Giants Orange

Atlanta Hawks Giant Bird comin' at you

Nashville Predator color clashing

Pittsburgh Pirates
(I love the Starg, but those hats?)

Sixer's starsplosion (reminds me of Crest toothpaste)

Pumpkin night at Syracuse

Houston Astros (many people on both sides of the fence on this one)

Minnesota Wild (should have kept the Northstars name)


Kelly said...

Hey, I have one of those Pirate hats.

Cleet said...

To each his own I guess, but do you have the stirrups?

Anonymous said...

some people are too touchy...and need some taste